Coco Crisp: Soggy From Tears

So the Red Sox have this guy right? This guy called Coco...and Coco makes the catches...really he does. We love him for it. Did you see that catch Coco made? Sure you did because it was on goddamn SportsCenter.

Well it turns out that Coco has a problem. A problem he didn't have in Cleavland. It's a problem you could blame on "injuries" or "big city jitters" but it doesn't change the fact he still has the problem. You see, the problem is that Coco doesn't do that thing where you take the bat and put it on the ball in a good way.

You know...hitting.

Anyway, now the Red Sox have this OTHER guy. This other guy Jacoby...who can catch the ball...and run like the wind...and did all this awesome stuff in last year's playoffs. He's a young guy and a fan favorite and he's even a goddamn Indian (for true!).

And it just so happens he doesn't have that same problem Coco does.

You know...hitting.

So the Sox find themselves at a crossroads. Coco is the vet and "earned" the starting center feilder spot, but Jacoby is a super-rookie that should be playing there for the next 10 years if he is as good as we all think. Now Coco isn't happy and doesn't want to ride pine. He says he'd rather be traded...

Huh... good idea! So much for the crossroads. I guess you can put me in the "Trade Coco Quick" group of fans. Thanks for all the catches, Mr. Crisp. Thanks for staying crunchy in milk.