Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Game 69: Ezekiel 25:17

Final Score:

Boston Red 11, Washington Nationals 3

[The Boston Red Sox clubhouse, five minutes before game time. The players are sitting around their lockers chatting as Tito Francona strides into the room. All talk immediately ceases.]

Tito: All right now, fellas, you know I’m not much for speeches, but I’d like to give you all a little heads up today. Now, as you all know, Timmy Wakefield is on the mound again today. We all know he’s a heck of a guy, a great kid, but you fellas ain’t managed to get him much run support so far this year and he’s been hurtin’ because of it. I mean hurtin’ but bad – Timmy’s givin’ up about 3 runs a game, but he’s only gotten 3 wins to show for it and it’s because you guys haven’t been puttin’ the bat on the ball like you have for Schill or Beck or any of the other guys. So I want you to go out there tonight, give some of that Hernandez guy’s pitches a good look and score some runs. Oh and before we break, we have a very special guest here tonight, someone I really think will help get the idea across about how we need to score some runs tonight for Wake. He’s a heck of a guy, came all the way out here from California just to talk to you all tonight.

[Turns to clubhouse door]

Mr. Winnfield, we’re ready for you.

[Jules Winnfield enters the clubhouse and walks to the middle of the room]

Jules: Hey y'all. Just a little message for y’all to think about tonight, as you go out and play tonight. There’s a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. I been sayin’ that sh*t for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherf*ck*r before you popped a cap in his ass. But I’ve seen some games this year with Wake on the mound made me think twice. Now I’m thinkin’: it could mean you’re the evil men, for not scoring those runs. And I’m the righteous man for having to watch Wake lose. And Mr. 9mm here, he’s the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be that Wake’s the righteous man and I’m the shepherd and it’s the world that’s evil and selfish. I’d like that. But that sh*t ain’t the truth. The truth is you’re all the weak. And I’m the tyranny of Red Sox Nation, waiting for those runs to come in. But I’m tryin’, y'all. I’m tryin’ real hard to be a shepherd.”

[Terrified, the Red Sox offense goes out and scores six runs in the second inning. Wakefield gives up one run on four hits over six innings to get his fourth win of the season. Lester versus Hill tomorrow night for the sweep. GO SOX!!! Exeunt.]