Thursday, July 06, 2006

Game 83: Mr. Ortiz Pities The Fool

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 12, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 5

Mr. T. here, wanting to talk about something. Something that’s bothering Mr. T., something he think any fool should know about. I’m talking about pitching to Mr. David Ortiz, especially when there’s a high-pressure situation on the line. Now, I pity the fool that don’t know this, but you can’t pitch to the Ortiz close and late and expect it to turn to your favor; he’ll just crush that ball and send you home crying into those fool wussy drinks I know you losing relievers drink after the games. Take tonight, for instance, against Tampa Bay. Ninth inning, Devil Rays got a good rally going. Sure, they were behind by one run, but no sweat – bottom of the ninth, they’ll get something started, make history, sweep the Red Sox for the first time.

Then Shawn Camp comes in to do his pitching thing, he gives up a single to Gonzo. Then he gives up a single to Youk, two men on. Then he walks Loretta, trouble’s a brewing. Now, Mr. T. knows that means that the bases are loaded, that you can’t just walk Ortiz because that would score a run. And then you’d have to pitch to Manny anyway. But still, you don’t pitch to David Ortiz like you’re really pitching to him. That’s just crazy. Because, guess what? First pitch, boom. I pity the fool that gives Ortiz a pitch in his zone, but Camp did just that and it went over the outfield wall like a shot. Four runs to put the game out of reach for Tampa Bay. Bye, bye, sweep. Bye, bye, Tampa Bay. Boston goes out to Chicago with the win, Shawn Camp goes home feeling like the fool he is. Mr. T. is a little surprised teams still try to pitch to the man, but he’s not going to lie: he didn’t want to listen to those fools in Boston whine about a sweep. Bring on the other Sox!

Oh, and go (Red) Sox.