Monday, August 21, 2006

Games 122-123: Alcohol is now the only solution

Final Scores:

Boston Red Sox 5, New York Yankees 13
Boston Red Sox 5, New York Yankees 8

I feel sorry for people who don't drink, because when they wake up, that's best they feel all day -- Frank Sinatra

I am not going to go into great detail describing these games. If you are viewing this page it is as safe bet that you are a Sox fan and that you SAW these games. Hell, it’s a safe bet almost EVERYONE in both Boston and New York saw these games. So why would you need to read depressing imagery about how Beckett was a total disaster on Saturday or how the bullpen completely failed to preserve what Schilling had done on Sunday. You don’t want to read it and I don’t want to write it. It hurts too much.

So what to do? There are 39 games left in the season and for the first time in 4 years the Red Sox look like they are finished (I am not talking “doom and gloom” like the KC series… they look like they are ready to pack it in). How does one prepare for the near meaningless grind that will be the last month and a half of the season?

Well, the Red Sox will start by making some roster moves between here and Pawtucket. I was delighted to see Jason Johnson and Rudy Seanez take the slow road to DFA town. These guys aren’t worth their weight in industrial waste. It’s a shame it took this long for the front office to see that their “skills” would be better utilized if they were test animals for scientific experiments. Van Buren (already called up AND sent back down) may see some more time with the big club, Javier Lopez (already called up AND ineffective) could be on the AAA shuttle, and maybe rookie sensation Dustin Pedroia could see some time patrolling the solemn grounds of Fenway as the season slips farther and farther away.

The fans have another obstacle to overcome while time drags on. How do you block out these last few weeks while waiting for next season? The answer is simple: Booze!

This series has proven to me that to watch these games without going crazy, you need to get as bombed as the Sox bullpen. You need to knock ‘em back as quick as the Yankees load the bases. Sure you might get fired because you show up to work late and hung over, and sure you are doing irreparable damage to your liver and kidneys by drowning the losses in beer, AND sure you may have to sit through some boring “interventions” held by concerned friends and family… but once you are blind drunk enough not to see your favorite team spiral down into a season ending funk… well then I think you’ll agree with me that it was worth it.

So do as David “Boomer” Wells does (the last starter of this abortion of a series btw) and get blotto! Yeah!!! GO SOX… hic…