Jonathan Papelbon, Ca-drillionaire

Ah, to be young, rich, famous and able to invest in Internet startups, just like Jonathan Papelbon. That's right: Papelbon is looking beyond his playing abilities to expand potential talents in other areas of life, just like his teammates: Coco Crisp has his producing thing, Big Papi makes salsa, Manny does public speaking appearances, etc.

What's the venture, you might ask. Where does he get his hot investing tips? Does he have a specific investing vision in mind? As a matter of fact...

• The venture: ISpottedYou, a social networking site (like MySpace) that uses buttons (the plastic-coated things with the pins on the back you stick to your shirt) like a membership pin so you can spot other adherents in the street. Features investors like Under Armour, "some NFL guys [and] some MLB guys," bilingual capability and the tag line, "where the virtual world meets the real world." And on these lowly beginnings, an online empire is built...
  
• The tip source: his agent. I think this may be the equivalent of asking your plumber for medical advice.
• Pap's investing vision: "to be a ca-drillionaire," where a ca-drillion is an amount of money equal to two metric ass-tons.

Go look at the site just so you can laugh at the idea of a.) people walking around wearing buttons like they're in some sort of cult, b.) those people getting beat up on street corners for wearing those buttons and c.) other people investing their money in this venture. Whatever real-world amount of money a ca-drillion equals, I don't think Paps is going to make it by funding this website.