Later He Cries Bitter Tears

Remember Julio Lugo? I know, I know: it's been a while (eight games, to be precise), and it's hard to remember he's standing on the sidelines when his replacement is a ninja who clearly spent that missing year of his career in training with Ra's al Ghul. But with Green's star well stuck in the firmament and Lowrie's return immanent, Lugo sees his future all too clearly and he's not shy about making his disappointment known. Sugar coating his feelings is just the way of disguising the knife, of course:

"I'm happy for [Green]," Lugo said. "I'm very happy he's playing well, but that doesn't take away from who I am. I haven't been a shortstop in the big leagues for 10 years because one day I woke up and got two hits. I've been here because I have a history of playing and playing well. That's why I've got 10 years in the big leagues. But I'm very happy for him."

Oh yeah, he's thrilled about riding the pine while someone else starts. Can't you tell?

Nick Green, Glove Machine

At first I was going to say that part of the reason why Green's play looks so incredible is that the first part of it was so awkward, making the recovery that much more amazing. But then I watched it a few more times and I have come to disagree with my initial analysis: that whole move was flat out ninja, from the leap to avoid the sliding runner to the roll and spin to make the strong throw to first. Nick Green is having a career year and I'm very, very glad he's having it with the Red Sox.

Jed Lowrie and the Case of the Missing Arm Bone

The news about Beckett is excellent, even if the pitcher himself isn't pleased about it; the news about Lowrie has the potential to suck a high hard one, particularly if it means taking a bone out of his wrist.

Hold on a second: they want to take a bone out of his wrist? How much damage did Lowrie do to himself last year, anyway? Seriously? I'm glad the guy's got brass balls that would make Bronson Arroyo jealous by playing through kind of pain for this long, but let's all take a lesson here: if you're hurt, take care of it. Dragging ass for almost a season and then risking the removal of a bone from your arm because your wrist is ahurtin' isn't worth the loyalty you've proven.

If the worst is true and Lowrie and his dumb choices have taken him out for the better part of two seasons, I have a choice to make: since Green is still hitting above his (admittedly mediocre) career totals and Julio Lugo is the starter in waiting, do I give Lugo another chance, or become a Green man and help the mastermind fulfill his criminal dream? It's been almost a year since we started calling for Lugo's head and he's got a long way to go before he proves himself worthy...

Nick Green, Supervillain

Ladies and gentlemen, I have uncovered a conspiracy of such vast and frightening dimensions as to render the curse of steroids upon our favorite sport a mere footnote in the annals of history. My life may be in danger for daring to shed the light of truth upon this foul den of malfeasance, but I feel it is my duty as a fan to reveal to you know what I know: Nick Green is not the mild-mannered utility player he seems. In fact, the 30-year-old journeyman has been gunning for the starting shortstop position all along!

You see, while you and I were speculating on the outcome of the Julio Lugo/Jed Lowrie competition for shortstop, Green was quietly insinuating himself behind the scenes, preparing to strike. First, he took out Lugo with a kneecaping cleverly disguised as a torn miniscus, placing himself in the backup position to young Lowrie, who emerged from the fray as Boston's seeming best hope for the right side up the middle. After a decent interval to alay suspicions, he struck again, disabling Lowrie's weak left wrist, sending him to the DL, and securing the top spot for himself. Cleverly done to be sure, but not cleverly enough! for I've figured out the pattern, Mr. Green, and uncovered your dastardly deeds for all to see!

Seriously though: I'm glad to see Lowrie's complete and utter post-Spring Training collapse has a root cause. Next time Lowrie goes into a slump, how about we check on his wrists a bit sooner, mkay?