Ladies and gentlemen, I have uncovered a conspiracy of such vast and frightening dimensions as to render the curse of steroids upon our favorite sport a mere footnote in the annals of history. My life may be in danger for daring to shed the light of truth upon this foul den of malfeasance, but I feel it is my duty as a fan to reveal to you know what I know: Nick Green is not the mild-mannered utility player he seems. In fact, the 30-year-old journeyman has been gunning for the starting shortstop position all along!
You see, while you and I were speculating on the outcome of the Julio Lugo/Jed Lowrie competition for shortstop, Green was quietly insinuating himself behind the scenes, preparing to strike. First, he took out Lugo with a kneecaping cleverly disguised as a torn miniscus, placing himself in the backup position to young Lowrie, who emerged from the fray as Boston's seeming best hope for the right side up the middle. After a decent interval to alay suspicions, he struck again, disabling Lowrie's weak left wrist, sending him to the DL, and securing the top spot for himself. Cleverly done to be sure, but not cleverly enough! for I've figured out the pattern, Mr. Green, and uncovered your dastardly deeds for all to see!
Seriously though: I'm glad to see Lowrie's complete and utter post-Spring Training collapse has a root cause. Next time Lowrie goes into a slump, how about we check on his wrists a bit sooner, mkay?