Game 6: Happy Trails, Franken-Bronson?

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 2, Toronto Blue Jays 10

The sign in the Fenway home clubhouse could read: "Truly Bronson-Free Since 2008," after the news today that Kyle Snyder may be not only out of a long relief job, but out on the waiver wire with a DFA to make room for the return of Josh Beckett. It's sad, really, that a man can't be giving up four runs in one and two-thirds innings without getting packed off to the nearest desperate team for a draft pick, especially when that man has such a wonderful resemblance to the much-loved (by college girls and Sox fans alike) Arroyo. But it was do or die time as regards to Beckett, and Snyder had the misfortune of opening the door for the Jays to change today's midday contest from close through trailing to blowout. Giving up two runs per appearance probably didn't help, either.

But I do have to wonder: why Snyder over Bryan Corey? Actually, that's a foolish question; Corey's not only been Francona's go-to guy this far (his four appearances topping anyone else on the staff), but he's tied with Delcarmen as second most effective reliever in the pen. Or at least he was until today, when he let Snyder's two base runners and four of his own cross the plate over the course of a third of an inning, making his own case for a demotion - or at least a cooling off period. I guess my point is that Snyder's DFA seems a little arbitrary, or maybe I feel like it's a gut decision (though I'm having a harder and harder time justifying it as I look at the relative numbers) because I enjoyed seeing him pitch. If he's really gone, though, good luck on the market. Thirty seems too young to let a career come to an end.

Game 1: Mistakes Were Made

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 6, Oakland Athletics 5

After the game ended, ESPN 2 had a phone conversation with a reporter from the San Francisco Chronicle, asking her if she thought if both teams played well. She took this enormous softball and whiffed it completely, pointing out one flaw (I believe she said something about Matsuzaka's first few innings) in a veritable sea of pretty ugly mess-ups. I mean, hey, I'm glad we won, but I'm still looking the gift horse in the mouth by pointing out all of the terrible things both teams did. Call it Opening Day jitters, call it needing time to gel as a team, call it the effects of an early ending to Spring Training, here are the big flaws of Game 1:

Daisuke's first two innings: Matsuzaka's fastball was a thing of beauty today, which was a good thing, because his breaking ball had about as much break as a speeding car on an icy New England road. In what quickly became my - and every other Red Sox fan's - early morning nightmare, Dice-K threw fifty pitches in two innings, struggling as pitch after pitch sailed way out of the strike zone. It's a wonder Jason Varitek caught most of them, but it's even more of a wonder that the A's couldn't take advantage of what seemed to be an enormously palatable situation, scoring a meager two runs through Matsuzaka's meltdown.

The upside: Dice-K settled down in the third inning and translated his fastball and an off speed pitch into a pretty deadly combination that shut down the last seven A's he faced. If that's the Dice-K we're going to see more consistently, then John Farrell's a genius and much of the AL's hitting is in trouble.

Land of the Rising Double Play: While the A's were busy drawing five walks against Dice-K, the Sox were hitting into double plays - or near misses. The official total was two, but that doesn't take into account third baseman Jack Hannahan's dropped ball, or the near miss where the A's just couldn't get the ball to first fast enough.

The upside: Those double plays - particularly the ones that the A's failed to develop - were all rockets. Once Boston figured out how to hit Blanton, they knocked him out pretty quickly.

The closers (nearly) blow it: Jonathan Papelbon. Huston Street. Two of the game's premiere closers, both looking like the ugly side of Todd Jones on the mound today. Street's home run to surprise hero Moss spelled the begnning of the end for the A's, while Papelbon had us all on the ropes in the bottom of the tenth with three hits, a walk, and the winning run in scoring position. Dishonorable mention to Kyle Snyder, who blew up Matsuzaka's partially resuscitated coming home party by surrendering Oakland runs number three and four via the long ball.

The upside: The Okie-Dokie wasn't the perfect kill pitch it's been in the past, but congrats to Okajima for stealing Dice-K's thunder and becoming the first Japanese pitcher to win a Major League game in Japan. All you trivia buffs better remember that one for the trivia night twenty years from now.

Walking Papi to Pitch to Manny: Really? Were Street's odds against righties (or Manny) that good that it was worth taking the risk that Manny would do exactly what he ended up doing and smashing a double a foot short of going out? I know clutch hitting doesn't exist in a consistently measurable fashion, but that still seems like a really ugly bet.

The upside: We heard a few times during the broadcast about Manny's off-season conditioning programming in Arizona. Clearly one effect of his Winter training is that he's able to watch deep fly balls and still make it to second base standing up.

J.D. Drew's back seizing up: The mistake here was mine for expecting otherwise, particularly after Drew had rocked homers in both exhibition games. According to the official organ, it's unclear whether or not Drew will play tomorrow, and there's no real need for him to play again until April 1 when regular play resumes. Fingers crossed, this will be a temporary setback at the start of a breakout season.

The upside: Brandon Moss! The scratch starter making good and joining the elite few (Joey Hamilton! Charles Thomas!) who've hit their first regular season home run in a game outside the US or Canada is the stuff of underdog legend, even if Moss is one of Boston's top prospects.

Game 102: The Very Charmed Life of Julian Tavarez

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 14, Cleveland Indians 9

Everyone who picked up Kason Gabbard for their fantasy teams after the magic of his last four starts is probably feeling pretty foolish right now. Gabbard, who as we all know is now in competition with Jon Lester for the fifth spot in the rotation /pitching well enough so Schilling's return doesn't demote him back to Triple A did his best not to impress this evening, suffering a four run fifth inning freak out that had Francona worried enough - despite the 9 to 5 lead (go Manny!) - to pull the young southpaw an out before Gabbo could qualify for his fifth win. Was it bad? You betcha; the two run double and a one run single Gabbo surrendered after claiming his second out looked better than the final three batters of the night: walk, walk, hit by pitch. Control much?

Once upon a time, you'd call Kyle Snyder in to clean up these situations and eat up some innings until either the offense scored enough runs to make putting a 12 year old with a broken arm on the mound a viable option, or the game moved into the late innings and bringing in short relief made more sense. Time was, but that time seems to be no more; it's been almost ten days since we've seen hide or hair of young Frankenbronson.

Instead, we have our old pal Julian "JT Killer" Tavarez, who recently his inevitable return to the bullpen to make rotation space for the feel-good case of the year, Jon Lester. I can almost imagine JT Killer holding a bloodletting in the visitor's clubhouse of The Jake, scene of so much ritual magic, praying to the dark gods who gave him the 10 and 2 year for the Indians 12 years ago to let him have another shot at making a difference. The man's dedication to his team is truly inspirational and he repaid that trust with two and a third innings of best and the worst he has to offer. Did Ryan Garko fly out to end the fifth, killing the bases loaded threat? He did - and Tavarez made him do it. Julian also magicked up a one-two-three sixth, pitched around a throwing error by Lugo to pick up the first two outs of the seventh, entered the home stretch, you can make it, Julian...you can give up those four runs first, if you want to. No, really, it's ok: Wily Mo brought his good game for once and hit a line drive home run in the top of the inning.

So congratulations, Julian: you didn't pitch great and your offense totally bailed you out, but you pitched (literally) when it counted and you got another win. Don't let anyone say the Man keeps you down.

Game 89: Crazy Train… Last Stop?

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 5, Toronto Blue Jays 6

Theo: This is it fellas. This is the final straw. He hasn’t won since June 20th and I think it’s apparent to everyone that this is the end.

Francona: Whoa whoa whoa, let’s not be to hasty here Theo. Are you sure you want to do this?

Farrell: Yeah I mean, tonight it was kinda Snyder’s fault. Are you sure you want to tell Tavarez he’s going back to the pen?

Theo: Absolutely! We got Jon Lester waiting in the wings, Schilling is coming back soon and besides, I am tired of all the crazy shenanigans this guy pulls.

Francona: Ok whatever… but you have to tell him.

Theo: FINE! Call Tavarez in here. I’ll tell him what’s what!

Farrell: Ummm hey Julian! Could you join us in here for a second?

Tavarez: Yesh? Was up skip?

Francona: Well Julian we got some things we need to…. Oh my GOD! Why are you dripping with blood?

Tavarez: I dunno. Why? You gots a problem?

Francona: NO! I mean, no… umm Theo here wants to tell you something.

Theo: Yes that’s right I wanted to ummm… tell you Julan that uhhhh… hey are you drinking that blood?

Tavarez: Yeah, I gotta or it gets all on the ground.

Farrell: I’m gonna be sick…

Theo: …yes… well as I was saying (gulp) ummm… you did a hell of a job without much offense tonight and… ummm well I think you should know that we don’t blame you at all and this all falls on the shoulders of Kyle Snyder.

Tavarez: I know man, I know.

Theo: You do?

Tavarez: Yeah. Who blood you think this is?

Game 76: Hail to the King, Baby

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 7, Seattle Mariners 8

Now I remember why having a decent bullpen is important: it keeps games from seesawing back and forth, like last night's toothless wonder. Sure, the Sox got to King Felix and his ineffective fastball early and often, keeping Boston in the game with six runs over the first six innings, but every time the Sox would establish a lead - or tie the game - Seattle had an offensive answer that kept this frustrating game going tit-for-tat far too late into the night.

Hernandez may have been nowhere near the dominating powerhouse he was on his last outing against Boston on April 11, but (once again) he still managed to outpitch Boston's starter, as the once glorified and exalted Gabbo...well, not to put to fine a point on it, but he sucked. Long and hard, with enough walks to turn the base paths into a treadmill for Mariners. Lord knows where the kid's command went, but it wasn't with him last night. However, according to the Herald, Gabbo will get another shot to prove himself again next week - Tito is not going to use the off day on Thursday to rejigger the rotation to cover for Schilling's second missed start. Having a ten game lead on the competition does give you the opportunity to experiment, I guess...

Speaking of Tito, what was up with his decision to leave MDC in for more than an inning last night? I know we're a bit short on relievers at the moment - a problem compounded by Joel Pineiro twisting his ankle in one of the more awkward ways possible - but MDC ain't no Kyle Snyder and his presence on the mound in the fifth made the bullpen look very, very thin. I'm a little surprised the Red Sox haven't called up another reliever to compensate, really - looking at the Sox pitching numbers against Seattle this year, poor pitching performance should now be the expectation, not the exception.

Game 56: Can I Go to Sleep Now?

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 4, Oakland Athletics 5

I hate the West Coast trip. The 10 o’clock starts are an endurance test in itself, but add in extra innings and it becomes a test of wills between you and the Sandman.

I saw the end of this mess… but somehow I don’t feel like it was worth it.

The Sox did everything they could to forfeit this game. Sitting Tek, Lowell, Coco, and Lugo they went with the Super B Squad headlined by crazy Tavarez himself. Honestly I remember very little about this game before the 7th inning. I know Ortiz and Pena took the ace Dan Haren deep, I know Tavarez pitched well enough to almost lose… but that all feels like weeks ago. I still don’t know how they managed to tie it up on Embree when the bats looked as tired as they did. Everyone who was supposed to be resting made it into the game but all those innings seem to blur together in my head.

Fighting through yawns and droopy eyelids I remember Joel Pineiro sucking, I remember clutch hits by Tek and Papi, I remember Oakland loading the bases and not scoring thanks to the weirdest double play ever, but that might have been a bad taco I ate.

More indigestion/insomnia when Pedroia ran into an out at home (et tu, DeMarlo Hale?) and Oakland getting MORE runners in scoring position yet not sealing the deal.

Kyle Snyder was cruising along with two outs in the 11th, until Eric Chavez put one out to finish this off key lullaby. Good, fine, whatever. I honestly don’t even care anymore.

I guess it’s a testament to the gustiness and quality of this team, coming so close to victory while hardly trying in the earlier frames, but I can’t really concentrate on that now... in fact I can barely see the keys.

Another 10 at night start tomorrow? Balls.

Game 31: The Gospel of Beckett

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 9, Toronto Blue Jays 2

1:1- Lo there blew a great wind that carried with it not 1 or 2 or 3 but 7 wins in His first 7 starts. This the almighty Beckett did sunder the Jays with His awesomeness. Yea he doth rock hard for innings 1 through 7 and if it were not for the first pitch from His amazing arm (and this evil pitch did leave the park) on this night He would have been as spotless as His record. Blessed be the Sox.

1:2- He who is Beckett is loved. Loved not only by the nation (which has mighty love) but also from the Sox hitters He calls teammates. For they love Him so greatly that they give Him runs as bountiful as all the salsa jars in Saint Papi’s trashcan. It was first Youk to bring the homer, and Youk beget Pedroia (small yet divine) and Pedroia beget Lowell, and Lowell beget Tek (back to holy back) and thus the runs did score. Blessed be the Sox.

1:3- And woe be the relief pitchers. For their toil has been all but forgotten. The new soul called from the depth of AAA Hansack did suckith the high hard one and walked many a batter. Praise to Romero for he was undaunted even with the bases filled of unholy birds. He vanquished his single foe and left the final three outs to be collected by Kyle of Snyder. He who is Beckett was indeed granted victory. Blessed be the Sox.

1:4- That which was from the beginning, was a win well in hand and the 7th of its kind for the Beckett. His glory only mirrors our own as Sox Nation. The Red Sox still hold upon high the lead for the AL East and shall attempt to gain strength for that lead with the help of our foreign disciple…Dice K. Blessed be the Sox.

Game 19: Bird Flu

Final Score: Toronto Blue Jays 10, Boston Red Sox 3

You know, a Blue Jay is just a more colorful crow. These are dirty birds that have a call that sounds like the life being squeezed out of an infant. Even worse, they eat all my seeds. Bastards.

The Toronto baseball team isn’t much better. Just when we couldn’t be higher, the freaking Canucks come down from their land of “free healthcare” and “low crime” and “hockey” and then they take the Sox to task.

We just swept the Yankees why can’t we handle the supposed “dregs” of the AL East?

Oh, Roy Halladay vs Tavarez again. Yikes.

It was inevitable. I can’t believe we won this match up last time (in fact I specifically said that) so it would have taken an act of God to get past it twice. Tavarez has been pitching on pure crazy for about 3 years now and it doesn’t always fly. Today was one of those days. He was hit hard and the ass ton of fricking errors didn’t help either. Come on guys. You know better than to drop those on JT Killer! Now you are going to have dead dogs left in your locker.

The Sox managed to squeeze some runs out of Halladay. Lowell (who is literally ablaze) went yard and Papi got his RBI in… but those were the highlights. Manny still isn’t hitting, Pena seems to be in a RUSH to break the strikeout record and Pedroia looks as amazing as ever. No wait… he sucks.

This game also doubled as the introduction to the Dark Side of the bullpen. Tonight’s star in this morbid debut was none other than Kyle Snyder. He pushed a game that was already out of reach to pants down spanking levels. The only surprise was the inability of Pineiro and Timlin to really embarrass everybody. Truly shocking.

This makes me want to punch something hard. Wait what is that? Another bird? A little orange fellow? So bright and colorful and full of life? Yeah… Orioles... prepare to meet your pane of completely transparent glass.

Splat.