Monday, October 15, 2007

2007 ALCS Game 3: Misery (Frustrated Incorporated)

Final Score: Boston Red Sox 2, Cleveland Indians 4

They say misery loves company /We could start a company /And make misery

Forget Soul Asylum, I may need an insane asylum after this mess is over. Between McCarver’s moronic ramblings and the near subliminal TransFormers pomos Fox has been showing, it’s amazing to think that the GAME was the most infuriating distraction of the evening. Almost everything that could have gone wrong with this game went that way… and quickly.

Dice K couldn’t get out of the 5th inning. He looked effective out of the gate, but AARP member Kenny Lofton got the cheapest homerun ever, making it 2-0 early (and who the hell takes a curtain call in the 2nd inning????). Then in the 5th, the Japanese import collapsed like a grass house in a tsunami. Before Bono could unite celebrities and get him some foreign aid, the Indians put up two more runs and Timlin came in to save his expensive ass from further humiliation.

And while Dice-K was being beat, Westbrook was handling the Sox with smoke and mirrors. I guess I can’t totally blame magic on Westbrook’s performance, the Sox had the bases loaded in the second with no outs (0 runs), a leadoff double in the fourth (0 runs) and a pile of walks with nothing to show for it. It was like drinking glass. Double play after double play. I just wanted to hide my head after every at-bat before the 7th inning.

Put me out of my misery /I'd do it for you, Would you do it for me? /We will always be busy, making misery

Not helping ANYBODY was the home plate umpire and his ever shifting, ever shrinking strikezone. It’s up, it’s down, it’s left, it’s right. Inside, outside, high, really high… but never very low. How much do you suck when the best thing I can say about your game calling is “well, at least he didn’t call a low strike ever?” If Dice-K crap performance had left me with any energy, I would be throwing things around the room.

Other random notes from this game:

Sizemore has a cheering section called “Grady’s Ladies” and are made up of the hottest chicks in Cleveland. 8 women and 6 teeth.

Cleveland is full of those awful white towel swingers. Doesn’t that mean you’re surrendering? If this ever started in Fenway it would force me to jump under the T in Kenmore.

I think Timlin’s playoff diet is gunpowder and dead babies. Mixed together.

Tek hit his 2 run shot to dead center and had me screaming thanks to the terrible Fox camera angle. I was sure it was going to be caught by the short stop.

Speaking of Fox, I thought I would miss them after the disaster on TBS… I got over that quick. McCarver and Buck still talk like they learned the sport last week and graphics like “Asdrubal Cabrera is the first player to be named Asdrubal in MLB history!” gives me an urge to just watch the MLB GameCast and listen to the radio.

All I wanted to see this series was Cleveland’s closer, and finally Wedge put the awful Borowski in with a 2 run lead. Careful what you wish for. He got the Sox in order with very little drama. No breaks, no luck, just more frustration.

Put me out of my misery /All you suicide kings and you drama queens /Forever after happily, making misery /Frustrated, incorporated, Frustrated, incorporated.