Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Breaking News

It will hurt more to have him on the Yankees

It's being reported on SEVERAL locations that Johnny Damon is almost assuredly going to be a New York Yankee next season. 4 years, $52 million, .320 batting average, 10 ft throws from center. I have NEVER been so mad at losing a guy to the pinstriped phalanx that infests this city that I currently reside in. Damon, who has been BEGGING to come back, was an ICON in Boston. He was a great leadoff hitter, a great fielder (not a great long toss partner) and looked funny enough to be recognized in a crowd of ten-thousand people. You can't put a price on celebrity. It wasn't until June of 2004 that I realized Bill Mueller wasn't a bat boy.

So why didn't we get him back? Was it the money? As crazy Boras contracts go... this one isn't even that crazy!! It's not like he demanded 10 years with a clause that the Yankees need to pay for the wheelchair in years 3 through 7. Was it the allure of the Yankees? Won't he have to cut his hair and beard and go back to looking like the illegitimate son of Erik Estrada? Was it the drama in the Red Sox front office? I think this one has wheels. I think they had a check list of “Important Off-season Moves” and everything got so confused with the influx of new staff that they just never got around to it:

Jed Hoyer: Ok what’s on that list Theo left?
Ben Cherington: Well we got the new GM… or should I say GMS!!!
JH: hahaha! Yeah totally dude! Check!
BC: We got rid of that awful shortstop.
JH: Check.
BC: We got a new awesome pitcher.
JH: Yeah! And didn’t even give up much. Check.
BC: Tried to trade Manny and Wells…
JH: That was like WICKED hard. We get a mulligan on that one. What’s next?
BC: Umm something about signing Johnny Da… HEY!! Is that a XBOX 360?
JH: Yeah man! You wanna rock some Halo 2?
BC: Awesome bro! You are so going down.

Or something like that. Anyway, I am royally pissed. Now I have to WALK to work tomorrow and the whole way there I am going to have to listen to: “Johnny Damon to The New York Yankees!” or “Damon in New York!” or “JD hits NYC!” or “Johnny takes Manhattan!” or “Gimme that wallet punk… or I cut you!”

I am getting upset just thinking about it...