The Closer Debate: SETTLED

Huh? No no no… not the pitcher. I have no idea who is going to end up in that role as the season progresses. Papelbon has the experience and the skill, but he should be starting. Donnelly isn’t gonna be able to shoulder the load alone, Tavarez scares me more than his Freddy Kruger counterpart and Joel Pineiro was busy sucking wind in Seattle last year. But this is all inconsequential. I have discovered something FAR more provocative.

If you remember last season (and I know many are trying to forget) you may recall the Golden Boy Papelbon was having trouble finding a song to come out of the bullpen to. His Closer Song. The most important thing a closer can have (besides… ya know… pitching skill). Paps was lost… took some suggestions… and never had anything that really popped (Ultimate Warrior music notwithstanding).

This turn of events created a tidal wave of opinions, lists and out right musical crusades from writers on this site and many others. Everyone claimed to have the best (or best 5) and KNEW that someone should use their ideas. Well, I know that this is kind of beating a dead horse, but today I get to tell you… you were all wrong.

The best song for a Closer was under my nose the whole time. Hiding in plain view in my classic rock collection. A song not written (there are no words) but EXPOLDED into creation.

I speak of Van Halen: Eruption.

Think about it… just for a moment. It’s short enough, it has a little pause and it rocks so hard that faces melt. Can you imagine a stoic figure walking in from the pen while the powerful guitar of Eddie V wails into the night? Can you imagine what Fenway would sound like after? I can… and it sounds like WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Now cut it right before the Kinks cover kicks in and it’s a masterpiece. I don’t care who you are… you are running 10,000 miles an hour when you hear this song. I got 10 speeding tickets sitting in my chair just THINKING about this. If this doesn’t get used (hell even a AAA Team could use it) I may have to march up to Boston and demand that this be played.

So argue all you want. Fight, kick and plead that there are better choices out there. That someone is already using something better. Make your lists and comments. You’re wrong, I’m right. It’s Eruption. Everything else is of secondary quality.

Now that that’s settled, the only question is… who’ll be coming out of the Sox pen when it plays?