Remember Ego and Super Ego, the feature where Robin and I simulate the thought processes of a typical Red Sox fan in word form? Well, the announced return of the Papal-Bon to the role of closer snapped something inside both of us, so Ego and Super Ego is back. My comments in normal text, Robin's in italics. Enjoy...It's official: Jonathan Papelbon will be the closer for 2007, ending weeks of speculation about the future owner of the job, the health of Papelbon's shoulder, the foolishness of the Sox for moving him out of the position, the need for a closer, etc., etc., etc. While I'm glad the wait is over, because I was getting really sick of every sportscaster feeling the need to add their opinion to the mix, that doesn't mean I don't have some mixed feelings about seeing Paps back in the pen. Being the logical, organized type, I've laid out the pros and cons of making this transition.
Being the pissed off psycho type, I am gonna break down his lame assumptions and tell you what the real deal is with this freaking travesty of a no-win, zero sum, awful choice this team just made. Honestly… I’m a little excited.
Pros:
- Proven track record: the seven runs over 70 innings, the 75 strikeouts and 13 walks, the sheer badassity of a closer who didn't give up his first run until halfway through 2006 all speak for themselves.
Oh come on! Everyone knows Paps is the second coming. That’s the freaking point. He comes in = the game ends. - Stronger arm: after last year's shoulder scare, Papelbon has gone through a boatload of strengthening exercises and, according to his quote in the Herald, has talked to a "million doctors" who all seem to agree that his new exercise regimen will give him the arm strength he needs to keep a live arm all season. He now feels he can perform in either role, as the team needs him.
Stronger than what? He looked fine until the end of last season when he collapsed like someone whose name rhymes “Crap Lament” last season. And what’s this magic strength training? Tai-Bo? Or has he been hitting the medicine balls so hard that anything larger than a cantaloupe gives him fits? - A much better option: was I worried about Julian Tavarez or Joel Pineiro coming in to shoot down the opposition Rivera-style in close contests? You bet your ass I was. We know Paps can get the job done and get it done well and that counts for a lot of peace of mind.
No crap. Last time I checked everyone was getting rocked this spring. And you usually can’t get piece of mind from a guy who played Tony Montana in the Sox clubhouse version of Scarface.
- Arm health: what if the doctors are wrong or the exercise regimen doesn't work and Papelbon's arm falls off, as I keep fearing it will? I admit my irrational fears don't go up very well against a "million doctors," but I won't feel any better if I'm right and Paps can't pitch anymore. Plus, Papelbon is a warrior: he'll probably keep pitching until his arm does fall off because he's so committed (although Curt Schilling seems to feel otherwise).
Plus, this is idiotic. Severe arm damage is something you’d notice in his performance. If he ends up sucking cause he’s hurt, we are back at square screwed. - Pitching limitations: according to the quotes in the Herald, there are big limitations on how often and how long Papelbon can pitch - no multiple inning outings and no pitching four or five nights in a row. I trust Francona not to blow this restriction, but do I trust the rest of the bullpen to step up and keep the runs off the board on those nights when Papelbon can't pitch? It's a big risk.
This I really don’t understand. If we are risking this guy by making him the closer, then why not run him into the ground and get all the wins we can get out of him. What? If he’s gonna get hurt anyway, we might as well bleed him dry. - Replacement effectiveness: with Papelbon back in the 'pen, Julian Tavarez will take his spot in the rotation. He did well enough in the role at the end of last year to be a fifth starter and he definitely wants to be there, but we're talking about Julian Tavarez, the man most likely in 2006 to suffer a mound meltdown - after Rudy Seanez, of course - taking the reins in 2007 at the back of the rotation. Ignoring the loss in quality that lowers the rotation from godlike to pretty good, Tavarez is a scary unknown factor as a pitcher in general and a starter in particular.
Lord, Tavarez again? Can you imagine every 5 days dealing with “Mask and Chainsaw” night at Fenway? Could somebody go check the white blood cell count on Jon Lester?
It’s brutal that a “tie” means that we take a potential 15-18 game winner and turn him into a 35+ save closer who has a chance to burnout in August. But there really aren’t any other good options are there.
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