Friday, April 14, 2006

Game 9: Seeking Help

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 6, Toronto Blue Jays 8“Hello… My name is Matt (Clement had 7 earned in 4 innings). I am a member from last year and I have a problem. I let too many runners score and don’t give my team a chance to catch up. I used to be good in the first half of the season, but not anymore. I have been told I suck.”

Hi Matt. Welcome.

“Hey there… My name is David (Wells was the big loser last night), and I have the same problem Matt has. Also, I can’t stop eating snacks and drinking booze. Does anyone have a Hostess cake or Jello shot?”

Nope. Sorry David, but welcome.

“Sup? I’m Manny. I like long walks on the beach, swinging at the first pitch and asking for trades during the off-season and all-star break. I usually don’t show up at these things, but since I haven’t had an extra base hit in the first 9 games, they asked me to come.”

Hi there Manny!

“My name is Alex, but people call me Gonzo. I am not sure if I’m in the right place. Is this where you go if you bat around .167?”

Yep. Welcome Gonzo!

“Hello again. My name is Keith and I think this may be my last meeting (2 innings, 1 hit, 2 K's, no runs). Last year I had a problem closing games out or keeping them close. However, with your help and the support of my coaches, I may be past that forever. Thanks for your faith and patience.”

Bye Keith. Hope we don’t see you soon!

“Yo man. People call me “Big Papi” and I do that nasty thing I always do. Is this where I go to tally my homeruns (3 in 3 games) and RBI’s?”

Nope. MVP consideration is across the street. Whose next?

“Yo! What’s up mother*****? Name is Ted Lilly and you better remember it! I am a badass with mad-skillz who likes to take apart teams like the “Pink Sox” and tip over cars and drink Everclear. Also I drive a dirtbike and I got a cousin named Road Hog. Touch me and I’ll break your face! JAYS BABY!”

Alright, I have had just about enough out of you Mr. Lilly. I wish you would use those “mad-skillz” on some other team. Awww…. Forget it.

Go SOX!!