Boston Red Sox 0, Toronto Blue Jays 5
Ladies and Gentlemen, we are at war. A war between the men of Boston and those weirdos from the North, with their less valuable dollar and their strange accents (, eh) and their beer with a higher alcohol content. A war, my friends, over who will take second place and who will be stuck in the huge gap between second and those lowly Baltimoreans. It will be a short, brutal war, because there isn’t much time (five games, just five more and this dismal season ends!) and by God, Toronto may have the miniscule advantage at this time, but with two games against Tampa Bay and three against Baltimore, I know we shall triumph and preserve (for our own personal pride, because no one is going to remember the Sox finishing second in 2006 in 10 years) the record of second place finishes held since 1997.
Tonight, Schilling against Tampa Bay, home of angry managers. And yes, he’s going up against all of Tampa Bay, like Moses throwing down against the Red Sea. Even though the Sox are at home for the rest of the year. It’s complicated. Let’s try and go out on a high note, boys. GO SOX!!!
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