Friday, October 28, 2005

Millar and Mueller

The Goofy Bastid, a Red Sox No More

Kevin Millar and Bill Mueller have filed for free agency, a move that should surprise precisely no one. I doubt that the organization hasn’t been returning phone calls to agents or anything that insidious, but it was pretty clear that a.) Kevin Youkilis is getting towards past due (and he’s a cheaper alternative to Mueller) and b.) Kevin Millar lost his hitting credibility (the only thing that made him valuable, besides his cheerleading abilities) with his terrible 2005 season. I’m sorry to see Mueller go, because he’s been a great part of the teams of the last 3 years and I wish that Millar could be hired as a bench coach or team cheerleader or something, but the time has come to say goodbye. In true Keep Your Sox On fashion, we’ve got our own little send off for the man known for his blond highlights, love of KFC and team-promoting ways. Here goes:

“Say Goodbye 2 Kevin”
With apologies to Temple of the Dog and Boston Dirt Dogs, who we beat to the punch.

Please, Millar mercy
Take you from Fenway
And the long winded curses
I keep hearing in my head
Theo never listens
And Francona never learns
Now I’m wary of your hitting
But your fielding is even worse
You came from Texas
And you ate some KFC
You hit so bad like a soul breaking
And never did nothing for me
Say Goodbye 2 Kevin…Kevin…Kevin
Say Goodbye 2 Kevin…Kevin…Kevin…Yeah…