The NL East: That's Weird, This Division Only Has Three Teams: NL East Preview

Continuing our series of season previews is Dave, a Mets fan who pulled a me in reverse, growing up in New York and moving to Boston. He offers his take on the NL East, where it sounds like another hard fight to the finish is brewing.

I’m writing this being still bitter a die hard Mets fan, but I shall try to be as impartial as possible in my assessments. The top three teams in the NL East this year are a toss up, with the big ticket bout of the Mets and Phillies, and the under the radar Braves with a possibility of an upset. All the factors for each of those three teams rely on the usual factors, consistency and injuries. As for the other two teams in the division, they’ll not win the division, or even tease for the wild card, but instead battle it out for who finishes last, or perhaps provide a spoiler for a team trying to make the playoffs (Read: Marlins and Nationals take a combined 5 of 6 games from the Mets to end the season/break my heart).
5. The Marlins (Nationals)
Really you can put either team here, but the Nationals have more recognizable names on their team, and a potentially better offense, so they can have the number four spot. This is a roster of “Who are you?” names, and a few players who provide a good spot on your fantasy baseball team. They have some players who have performed well over the past two seasons, but with the loss of Miguel Cabrera – who gave the other teams someone to pitch around – those players’ numbers may likely go down. The Marlins also dumped off Dontrelle Willis to the juggernaut Tigers, which may have seemed really dumb two years ago, but may prove to be a good move if he continues to get shelled now in the more dominating offensive league. The players who provided momentary sparks for the Marlins are Dan Uggla, Cody Ross, Josh Willingham, and of course, Hanley Ramirez. Ramirez definitely proved to be the player he should be, and would get even more recognition if he played on a team that mattered.

The pitching staff is a slew of young names from ex-Tiger Andrew Miller to Rocky Nolasco. They had a seemingly good arm in Anibal Sanchez throwing a no hitter a couple years ago, but he’s been bitten by an injury bug and missed a ton of last season and out probably until the All Star break. Their closer, Kevin Gregg, who put up 32 saves last season, is the highest paid man on the roster with a salary of $2.5 million for this season.

4. The Nationals (Marlins)
The Nats’ biggest acquisitions in the offseason Mets castoffs: drug pusher Paul LoDuca and potential spark plug Lastings Milledge. With LoDuca you know what you’re getting: a guy who hits for little power but a consistent average until about July or August. I didn’t hate LoDuca for a majority of his time on the Mets, but always was perplexed why teams didn’t just stand on second base when he was at bat, as more than sixty percent of his hits just rolled up the middle. The “let’s stand on second base Paul LoDuca shift,” might drop his average by 100 points.

The outfield is Washington’s big question mark: they have Wily Mo Pena, Austin Kearns, Lastings Milledge and Elijah Dukes. If Wily Mo continues into this year like he did in September, and Elijah Dukes and Milledge become the players people expected them to be, this could be a slightly dangerous little outfield platoon. This will not translate to winning games. Ronnie Belliard, Ryan Zimmerman and Felipe Lopez make up the projected infield, then the battle everyone is talking about at first base: Dmitri Young versus Nick Johnson. I like Dmitri Young better, but they’re probably going with Johnson.

As for the pitching staff, pick a name, there’s a good chance you don’t know a lot about any of them, or did, but forgot they still played baseball: Shawn Hill, Jason Bergman, John Patterson, Matt Chico, John Lannan, Tim Redding, and Ryan Wagner. Good luck, guys.

3. The Braves (The Sleeper)
Now on to the teams that will compete. With all of the hype landing on the Phillies and Mets, the Braves may just sweep in and pop one or both teams out of the division lead/wild card. This may be a stretch to say, but I feel you shouldn’t ever underestimate a team that managed to hold its division for the decade of the ‘90s. If the players, mainly the oft inured pitching staff, managed to stay healthy all year, this could be a nice year.

We’ll start with the pitching, the source of their bygone magic. The Maddux, Smoltz, and Glavine era was a thorn in the sides of much of the National League ten years ago, so the Braves have brought back Mets scapegoat Tom Glavine for a bit of a reunion. Glavine has become a solid number three starter; he’s not going to dominate you, but he’ll make all his starts, win you at least 10 games and have an ERA around 4.00. Smoltz has proven to still be effective coming off a 14-8 season and an ERA of 3.11. He hasn’t really shown any reason why those numbers may not continue. The rest of the pitching staff is the question mark. Tim Hudson has been inconsistent when not injured, and Mike Hampton has been nonexistent for the past 2 seasons. Hampton was relatively effective over the last seven seasons when healthy, but health for him has suddenly become a sad rarity. I’d give him about three to five starts before he’s out for the season. The fifth starter spot is a toss up, but probably will land on Chuck James, who quietly put together a so-so year last year, wining 11 games (but losing 10) and posting an ERA just over 4.00. If he pitches the same and the offense is consistent, look for those numbers to go up a bit.

The offense has its mixed bright spots. The Braves replaced Andruw Jones with Mark Kotsay for an offensive and defensive wash, but Jeff Francouer and Brian McCann are real deal hitters, and with Mark Teixiera could create a dominant trio if all three click at the same time. If you add in the still consistent (when healthy) Chipper Jones, the Braves have a very effective lineup that is not getting a lot of press, and I wouldn’t be shocked to see them in the thick of the race come September. Of course, because they’re the A-Rods of baseball, they won’t get it done in the post-season when it matters, and if they make the playoffs, they probably won’t add to the club’s World Series trophies.

2. The Phillies (The Team to Repeat)
Jimmy Rollins made his inane prediction last year and I was at opening day at Shea when he dropped a ball and his error opened the door to a rally and a seven run inning, embarrassing the Phillies and striking up a “Jimmy Rollins!” chant from 50,000 fans. Those were the days…and then by season’s end he’d made all New Yorkers look like idiots, swiping himself an NL East title, an MVP, and the ire of Mets fans for the remainder of his career. Well, Jimmy Rollins will be back, and will surely be the same effective player. Toss him in there with Ryan Howard and Chase Utley, and the Phillies have quite an offense. They got the injury plagued Geoff Jenkins patrolling their outfield this season, and still have Pat Burrell out there as well, probably set for another season of 25+ home runs and an average slightly above .250.

The weakness of the Phillies lies in their pitching. Cole Hamels and Boston’s favorite Brett Myers are going to win you games. Kyle Kendrick showed signs of greatness last year, but is getting battered this spring, while Adam Eaton won a few games but sported an ERA over 6.00. Then there’s Jamie Moyer, who is still winning games despite being 75 years old. The biggest presence in the clubhouse this spring so far may be that of Anna Benson, whose husband Kris is battling for a fifth spot – and I’m sure she’s offered to sleep with someone else if he doesn’t pitch well (Remember when she said if he cheated on her while on the Mets she would sleep with every man in the organization, right down to bat boys and equipment managers? Isn’t it just amazing how many Mets were trying to get Kris Benson drunk and flirty with other women that year?). The inconsistency of their starters may hurt them and I actually may give the Braves the advantage on that one. The Phillies bullpen was already a question mark depending on what Brad Lidge came out to close games for them. He didn’t let us find out and instead got injured for a few weeks, but claims he’ll be ready for opening day. If Lidge can consistently save games, they can keep winning them, but with this potent offense he may not actually get as many opportunities to do so.

1. The Mets
The Mets were dominant last year and looked to make me happy and charge into the postseason. Then it happened: the worst month that I – and baseball – have ever seen. The worst collapse in baseball history has been hanging over the Mets since October. Before they fleeced the Twins to bring a guy named Santana into camp, they may not have hit this top spot. Yes they did give away some potentially great prospects, but still kept the outfield one they liked best (Fernando Martinez), and got arguably the best pitcher in baseball.

Santana will be the ace of an already capable staff of pitchers. John Maine is now even slotted to potentially be the number 2 starter, after having the best spring of any of the pitchers so far and his 15 win season last year. He and Oliver Perez had similar seasons in 2007, Perez also getting 15 wins and 10 losses, but having a lower ERA of 3.56. Then there’s Pedro Martinez. He made only five starts last season, won three of them and posted a 2.57 ERA. He asked for the ball on the last day, but Willie Randolph decided to not risk overworking and re-injuring him. This did not pan out as hoped.

The ageless El Duque is trying to be the 5th starter, and may or may not lose the job to young Mike Pelfrey, who has yet to prove himself in the majors. The Mets’ biggest pitching weakness comes in the bullpen. It was overworked and just looked tired at the end of the year last year, and coughed up runs and more runs like they were trying to give the games away, with September seeing the Mets blow two 4 run leads in 2 days. Aaron Heilman is an adequate reliever and Duaner Sanchez is returning after a year off from surgery. Billy Wagner is still closing games, but they have become a lot more nerve wracking then in his earlier days. He’s not yet John Franco’s “let’s put two or three guys on base and then close the game” status, but he’s moving towards there.

The Mets offense remains the same. The collapse perhaps cost David Wright the MVP, and there’s no reason to think he will not be a 30-30 guy again this season. Beltran has played well, and if Reyes doesn’t hit .197 in September again he is a spark plug at the start of the lineup. Luis Castillo is not the speedy guy he once was and worked last season, but is already plagued by injury to start this year. Carlos Delgado couldn’t do much last season in terms of getting on base, but they won regardless. Moises Alou is effective when he can play, Ryan Church is a good outfielder who might even eclipse expectations for Lastings Milledge, while Brian Schneider is an upgrade in defense and a downgrade in offense.

All in all, on paper the Mets are the team to beat in the division, but it all comes down to injuries. Each of the top three teams have guys that can easily make or break the entire team’s season with a ticket to the disabled list. We’ll see who is healthiest and who is first come September. Watch it be Washington.

Buchholz, Lester: You're Going to Japan

So what the hell is going on with our starters? Are they really that terrified of pitching two games in Japan to start the season? How else do we explain the random injuries and other nonsense (a baby? Really? What kind of excuse is that, Dice-K?) that may have removed the top three options from the rotation to start the season? Beckett says not to count him out, but any time I hear "back," "MRI," and "not sure where the pain is coming from" in the same sentence, I'm inclined to a little doubt and a lot of concern.

Anyway, let's assume the worst (isn't that fun?) and say the choice is coming down to Wake, Buchholz, and Lester for the choice of the two slots of who's going to go to Japan. All things being equal, who do you choose?

I'm inclined to go with Lester and Buchholz, despite their combined 13 runs in two games, for one reason: Tim Wakefield is elderly. Not in a bad way, since he's still pitching and pitching effectively, but remember this is the guy who finally succumbed to injury in September of last year after what seemed like years of stress-free pitching. Do you really want Wakefield flying 13 hours to Japan and twisting something in his sleep, only to land on the DL for the month of April while the Sox flail like a drunk guy in a bar fight? I'd rather take two somewhat shaky younger guys than risk the first part of the season on two games.

Papelbon is Ours! Wait? What Do You Mean He Already Was?

So you may have heard this flap about Papelbon. He was not too pleased with his contract and the inevitable renewal. He felt he was getting low balled and wanted his prime cut.

And then I saw Prince Fielder said something too…

And then Nick Markakis?

What’s going on here? These are second year guys! Sure they have some great numbers and are set to be future all-stars… but big paydays? Not so fast fellas. I hate to stand on some soap-box and say things like “players didn’t want so much back in my day” cause let's face it… my “day” was like the ‘90s… but this trend of “money before numbers” is pretty ridiculous.

Well at least it seems that the Papelbon issue was semi-resolved. The Red Sox gave the big guy a pretty impressive contract that wasn’t EXACTLY where he wanted it… but it was enough to keep him sated.

At least until its time to sign him for real. Theo, get your checkbook ready.

In Support of Wrigley

A moment of support for our (former?) spiritual national league brothers and sisters, the fans of the Chicago Cubs. Their team has fallen on hard times of a nature far more serious than "wait until next year": owners Tribune Company (in the form of CEO Sam Zell) has ignited a firestorm of incredulity by stating (and restating) that any deal by the beleaguered newspaper company to sell the team might just include new naming rights to Wrigley Field.

I think corporate naming rights are a little ridiculous, but I recognize they're a necessary evil - for the most part, and depending entirely on situation. The "new" Boston Garden (or whatever it calls itself now) is a modern edifice, devoid of the weight of history that we like to call character. The owners can call it whatever they like, because it's not a landmark. Same thing with the faceless monstrosities of the 1970s; you can sell the naming rights to the Oakland Colosseum and have it sport the logo of whatever antivirus company you'd like, because it's devoid of the history that makes a ballpark a ballpark. Or maybe I just hate the concept of baseball games taking place in football stadiums.

My point: I offer this public, electronic, and (I don't fool myself) ultimately irrelevant bit of support because I can empathize with anyone who bleeds Cubbie blue. I can imagine the tragedy (and the riots) if the owners of the Sox decided to sell the naming rights to Fenway, and when I see the overpriced tickets and food and the ridiculous scalping that goes on (legally, mind you) through sites like StubHub because there aren't enough seats for every fan who wants to go, I know these are the crosses that must be borne to avoid the specter of John Hancock Park or Raytheon Park or - horror of horrors - a new stadium that attempts to replicate the past with 5,000 more seats. I've never been to Wrigley Field, but I hope one day to go - and I hope it's still called Wrigley Field when I do.

My Eyes! My Eyes! Some Things You Can't Un-see!

This is my team? These guys? This THING? What the HELL?

No it wasn't the devastating loss to the Twins (ouch Buchholtz) that I'm complaining about. That's just Spring Training.

I'm a little more concerned with the loss of dignity. Papelbon... you look like a tranny. I never thought I would be saying THIS, but thank God Mike Lowell can dance. Oh and Pedroia? Put a shirt on. Damn...

Jon Lester, Wild Man

I guess control was too much to ask - but we won anyway. Lester acknowledges his mistakes, but insists that he's happy with how he did - even if the numbers (and his pitch count) say otherwise. I guess that's better than him getting bummed out about a premiere performance and spiraling into self-doubt and uselessness, and it's encouraging to hear him say that some of yesterday's blow away pitches would have been contact last year, but I wonder how much of that is rust on a Twins team that has a paltry 21 hits in its first three games. I know, I know, it's far too soon to pick apart Lester's performance - even if it's what's becoming a classic Lester - and we should all focus on the positive, like the fact that his arm didn't fall off. I just think it's indicative, and so does PECOTA: if you believe in statistical projections, Baseball Prospectus ranks Lester far below Clay Buchholz, ranking Clay higher in a whole variety of categories: everything from wins and games started to strikeouts/walk, strikeouts per nine innings, VORP, WARP, and the aptly named Stuff.

The point: yes, Lester's pitched once, and Buchholz hasn't pitched at all, but I won't be surprised if - and this is if push comes to shove about the rotation - it's Buchholz who gets the roster slot.

Thwomp

Final score after three games: Boston Red Sox 47, Everyone Else 3. That's the how the 2008 Red Sox roll, bitches: with blood and thunder and a serious beat down for all opposed - even if two-thirds of the victims are college players. I can almost taste the sweet, sweet tang of a Mayor's Cup victory.

Ahem.

Seriously though, how about that George Kottaras? A good year and a half since receiving the dubious honor of being the player to be named later in the David Wells trade, the free-swinging catcher started the pre-year out right by going 2 for 2 with a walk, two runs, three RBI and Red Sox home run number three of the evening. One good day doesn't make Kottaras a threat to take Tek or Mirabelli's jobs just yet - can he catch a knuckleball? - but if he's motivated to make 2008 the year he reverses his ugly collection of minor league stats (more than two strikeouts for every walk? Not cool), there's no better way to get started. I'm very interested to see how many rounds of cuts he lasts, and what he's able to do while he's getting the big league playing time.

Tomorrow: round two versus the Twinkies in an afternoon game with the inimitable Jon Lester. Will he dazzle the Twins with his Harry Houdini style? Will the will-o-the-wisp of ball control be his at last to grasp? Only time and your favorite text-based play by play display will be the judge.

Bartolo is a Signing That is Hard to Swallow

In an off season where the Red Sox have seen very little action, Theo certainly made a interesting move during Spring Training. Getting Bartolo Colon was a WHALE of a pick-up. He is obviously a LARGE piece of the puzzle. He has a BIG $1 mill coming to him for a minor league deal that some may say is BLOATED.

Get it? He is a FAT ASS!!

He's so freaking big that El Guapo should be stomping up and down at the local Taco Bell. Sure Colon is only 3 years removed from a Cy Young award, but some stats like "whole cows eaten vs games started" since then are startling. Not numbers you want to see.

But honestly, when you look at how little the Sox are giving for HOW MUCH they are getting, by sheer poundage this could be a good deal.

As pointed out by my brother earlier, Colon used to be a big innings eater before he went down with injuries. Too bad innings are so high in calories.

The Triumph of Tito

We know him as Tito; the man who we love to love (and occasionally love to hate); who's guided the good ship Red Sox through three of the best years in club history, missing the playoffs but once and becoming the first manager in Red Sox history to take his club to the post-season three times and the first manager in baseball history to win eight straight World Series games. We know him more as the sum of his parts: the guy who's been - at last - the right mix of player's manager and player hook, who gives his guys the support they need to the media and the fans during the season, but won't hesitate to do what's needed to win when the wins really count. He's likable and liked in a town where players and managers can go from hero to zero after the wrong word, the wrong pitch, the wrong substitution, and yet - and yet - until today, his future in Boston after 2008 remained shrouded in doubt.

Fortunately, the almost obscene four month gap between World Series victory and contract signing is finally closed, with a three year contract and a two year option Terry's prize for a job well done. Though a person's task may be eased by the use of superior tools (and Terry's had some of the best available since he came to Boston), there's no one else Robin or I would want to see in sweatshirt and windbreaker in the command position on the Boston bench.

Snakes On a Train to Glory: NL West Preview

Next up on the list of 2008 MLB previews: Yankee Mike's thoughts on the NL West. It doesn't sound like the weakest division in the junior league will offer anything new this year, but watch out for those Diamondbacks...

San Francisco Giants – AARP All-Stars

The Giants are going to be pretty bad; I think pretty much everyone in the modern world will agree with this. However, normally when you have a bad team you look for a few bright spots. Let’s go down the checklist for the Bond-less Giants:

1. Good young position players who might make an impact: well, the Giants’ current infield (Aurilla, Vizguel, and Durham, plus a third baseman to be named later) is a combined 112 years old (no, that isn’t a typo), and the projected outfield of Aaron Rowand, Randy Winn and Dave Roberts has an average age of 33 – and they’re all signed through 2009.
   
   
2. No really terrible contracts while we rebuild: Well, Barry Zito is making $126 million; Rowand got $60 mil for 5 years; and Randy Winn, Dave Roberts, and Bengie Molina are all signed through 2009. Honestly, I’m not sure exactly what Brian Sabean was thinking, although it’s possible he thought he gets a discount if he has players eligible for social security…

The only real bright spots on this team are Matt Cain, and Tim Linceum, two very talented young starters who have the potential to be excellent. However, unless they each win 30 games, the Giants are pretty much guaranteed to finish last in the division.

Los Angeles Dodgers – Youth Movement…Please?

Look at that lineup of stars: Rafael Furcal, Nomar, Jeff Kent, Andruw Jones and Juan Pierre, with Jason Schmidt and Derek Lowe starting; that’s the makings of a solid team, right? Wait, you mean it’s no longer 2000?

…

This team might be in trouble.

Sarcasm aside, the Dodgers do have some serious talent coming. Matt Kemp (OF), James Loney (1B), Andy LaRoche (3B), and Russell Martin (C), plus pitchers Clayton Kershaw (best pitching prospect in the minors) and Chad Billingsley could all be big time players. However, the Dodgers went out and hired Joe Torre, who – though he’ll do a great job with the LA media and inspire player love – is very loyal to veterans and tends to not play rookies, which is what the Dodgers really need him to do.

The Dodgers are banking on a shaky likelihood of an Andruw Jones resurgence and the even shakier durability of Nomar, Kent, and Jason Schmidt, but probably have enough talent to win somewhere in the neighborhood of 75-80 games. If the youth gets to play, toss in some exciting upside and maybe some development for future season.

Colorado Rockies – Legit Threat or a Fluke Run

The Rockies’ insane run at the end of last season was sparked by a mixed group of veterans and kids throwing their brains out. The question is: was that success a flash in the pan, or are they solid ML starters? Francis at the top is good enough to get by with, and Cook will eat innings, but the Rockies need their younger starters to give enough quality innings to be successful. The success of their staff is dependant on what Ubaldo Jimenez, Jason Hirsh and Franklin Morales contribute. Jimenez held opponents to a .228 batting average in 15 starts, while Morales threw 8 solid outings down the stretch (3.43 ERA, 1.22 WHIP .241 BA against), and somehow I doubt those sets of numbers will be repeated for an entire season.. Hirsch didn’t last 20 starts, and Cook checked out in August, which really makes me concerned about the Rockies starters.

The bullpen, however looks pretty good. Hopefully, they will pull a video game move and use Manny Corpas closing and keep Fuentes setting up (The Rockies started clicking when they stopped blowing leads last year right when Fuentes got hurt). Luiz Vizcaino will benefit being back in the NL and should help stabilize the back of the bullpen, but if you’re a Rockies fan, make sure to take the time to enjoy that hanging slider flying 700 feet the other way in the mountain air or the walk of a hitter in a big spot. After watching Vizcaino for a year, both events are coming: you have been warned.

Offensively, I really like this team. Troy Tulowitzki can flat out play, even if you ca’nt pronounce or spell his last name, and Hawpe and Holliday (who will be in the MVP debate again in 2008, and a Free Agent soon after, thanks to Scott Boras) are legit middle of the order bats. Helton can still hit, Atkins can hit and if Taveras can get on base he is a nightmare of the basepath. That is a seriously deep lineup, especially for the NL, if they find any kind of pitching beyond Francis the Rockies will a force to reckon with this year. With that said, I expect the pitching to regress and the Rockies to be at most an 85 win team.

San Diego Padres – A Tale of Two Teams

The Padres have an outstanding pitching staff. Peavy (consistent Cy Young candidate) and Young at the top are a legit 1-2 combo. Maddux just keeps finding ways to win 12-15 games (he’s a machine). The combination of Randy Wolf, PETCO Park, and the national league should toss up some decent numbers, and Mark Prior for $1.5 million could be the year’s biggest steal if he gives the Padres anything in second half of the season. Hoffman is a great regular season closer, and they somehow manage to find success in their bullpen, regardless of who they toss in there. If you put a good offense behind that staff, the Padres would compete in the NL.

The offense is the problem, though: Apparently the Padres management forgot you need to actually score runs to win baseball games. Personally, I love their management strategy: Let’s take 2 guys with diminishing power (Jim Edmonds and Brian Giles at ages 36 and 37) put them in the best pitcher’s park in the NL, and ask them to be middle of order power threats. Seriously, how is this good idea? Khalil Green may or may not be a 30 HR a year guy, and Adrian Gonzalez is a legit bat at first base, but with minimal power in the outfield, the Padres would need a big bat at third, which means that Kevin Kouzmanoff will have to a giant year for the team to compete offensively. Everything is going to have to click for the Padres to score enough runs to win. Given their pitching, I am thinking around a .500 season for the Padres, with the possibility of putting up 88-89 wins for the third straight year if the offense hits enough.

Arizona Diamond Backs – Younger Brothers Strike Back

Arizona has two things going for them they’re very young and very good. Getting Haren from Oakland makes them scary, with probably the best 1-2 pitching punch in the baseball: Brandon Webb is a stud, and Haren had a 3.09 ERA in the AL. Doug Davis drops back to third in the rotation, and if the D-Backs get anything but sneers from Randy Johnson, they have a legit 1-4 in the rotation, with the added bonus of Robin’s latest man crush, Micah Owings. The biggest question mark is in the bullpen; the Diamonsbacks have Chad Qualls and a bunch of young arms, and are hoping 2 or 3 step up and become effective. I’m guessing Juan Cruz starts the season closing.

The youth and talent movement continues in the offense. Connor Jackson is a legit bat at first, Stephen Drew has struck a blow for younger brothers everywhere by becoming better than his older brother (Sorry JD, that 1 homerun doesn’t make you good) – and 27 year old Chad Tracy at third base is one year removed from a 20 HR, 80 RBI season. If he gets hurt, Arizona has Mark Reynolds, who hit .280 (.350 OBP) last year with 17 HRs and 60 RBIs; a fine option off the bench.

In the outfield, Byrnes stole 50 bases last year (yes, I was shocked, too) and while he’ll probably regress some, he’s still a productive player. Chris Young hit 32 bombs last year, and with a bit of strike zone control (.295 was his OBP, not his average) becomes a legit power threat. Last, but not least, there’s the most talented guy on the roster, 20-year-old Justin Upton. Unlike his brother BJ, he can play defense, and he’ll be this team’s best player by 2011. Overall, the Diamondback won 90 games last year, and added Dan Haren. I have no qualms about naming them my pick in the west, and my pick to represent the NL in the World Series.

Coco Crisp: Soggy From Tears

So the Red Sox have this guy right? This guy called Coco...and Coco makes the catches...really he does. We love him for it. Did you see that catch Coco made? Sure you did because it was on goddamn SportsCenter.

Well it turns out that Coco has a problem. A problem he didn't have in Cleavland. It's a problem you could blame on "injuries" or "big city jitters" but it doesn't change the fact he still has the problem. You see, the problem is that Coco doesn't do that thing where you take the bat and put it on the ball in a good way.

You know...hitting.

Anyway, now the Red Sox have this OTHER guy. This other guy Jacoby...who can catch the ball...and run like the wind...and did all this awesome stuff in last year's playoffs. He's a young guy and a fan favorite and he's even a goddamn Indian (for true!).

And it just so happens he doesn't have that same problem Coco does.

You know...hitting.

So the Sox find themselves at a crossroads. Coco is the vet and "earned" the starting center feilder spot, but Jacoby is a super-rookie that should be playing there for the next 10 years if he is as good as we all think. Now Coco isn't happy and doesn't want to ride pine. He says he'd rather be traded...

Huh... good idea! So much for the crossroads. I guess you can put me in the "Trade Coco Quick" group of fans. Thanks for all the catches, Mr. Crisp. Thanks for staying crunchy in milk.

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid: AL Central Preview

We begin our tour of the 2008 MLB previews with DC's predictions on the AL Central. As you'll see, 2008 is looking like another "win it all or head on home" years for the rest of the American League, with plenty of competition for both the top spot and the Wild Card, not to mention spoiler action from the rest of the division.

The AL Central was one of the most active divisions in all of baseball this winter. The Tigers and White Sox both made more splashes than a pool full of 8 year olds surrounded by skeevy, van driving pedophiles and, according to all the Mets fans I know, the Twins made a trade. Even the Royals signed a couple of guys who are better than your average little leaguer.

Last season the Indians tied the Red Sox with the best record in the American League and only lost home field advantage because of head-to-head record. The Tigers were also a force for most of the season and would have gobbled up the Wild Card had it not been for a late season collapse. This year Cleveland’s team is basically a mirror image of itself and the Tigers are one of the most improved in baseball. The result is a division that is gearing up for a tight race and possibly two teams in the playoffs. How will the rest fare? Here’s what my crystal ball says:

Last Place - Kansas City Royals
Off Season: The Royals signed some bona fide free agents this winter. They took some strides to sure up their bullpen with Ron Mahay, acquired a formidable backup catcher in Miguel Olivo and replaced the craptastic Odalis Perez with a veteran starter, Brett Tomko. They also took a shot on Jose Guillen despite a possible steroid backlash and on Yasuhiko Yabuta, the latest question mark from the other side of the big tranquil pond.

Pitching: Last year Gil Meche showed everyone where they could stick their criticism of his contract by posting a respectable 3.67 ERA and a .263 batting average against. Unfortunately he only managed 9 wins to go with his 13 losses. But let’s be fair, he was the ace of the Kansas City Royals. That’s like being the head of the Ewoks: yeah, you’re the best they have, but you’re still leading a bunch of possessed teddy bears with no discernable strengths. Rounding out the Royals staff is the second year Brian Bannister (pretty great last year as an undrafted rookie), Zack Greinke (amazing comeback after suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder), and Tomko. There’s some talent here and the three youths may benefit from Tomko’s experience.

Lineup: This truly is a collection of young talent and role players with a couple of veterans sprinkled in. Alex Gordon (24 years old), Tony Pena Jr. (26), Billy Butler (21), Mark Teahen (26) and David DeJesus (28) may all become really good players. Unfortunately it will most likely be on other teams.

Bullpen/Bench: Just like every other small market team, the Royals’ weakness is depth. Other than Olivo at catcher, they really don’t have anyone on their bench worth mentioning. Similarly, other than potential stud closer Joakim Soria, the bullpen is bad enough to make KC fans want to drown themselves in those beautiful fountains they have in Kauffman Stadium.

Fourth Place – Chicago White Sox
Off Season: As usual GM Kenny Williams had a difficult time taking his finger off the trigger this winter. Honestly, this guy is like the Billy the Kid of baseball! Has he ever been happy with the team he has? This year five guys (including Jon Garland and Darin Erstad) are gone, replaced by the likes of Nick Swisher, Octavio Dotel, Scott Linebrink, and our beloved Orlando Cabrera.

Pitching: The rotation is anchored by perennial workhorse Mark Buehrle, along with Javier Vazquez and Jose Contreras. Unfortunately, Buehrle’s seven consecutive 200+ inning seasons may be getting to him, Vazquez is a classic National League pitcher and Contreras looked extremely hittable last year (an understatement). The rest of the rotation is rounded out by a couple of prospects who have yet to be bitten by the successful pitching bug.

Lineup: This is pretty much the same story as the pitching with different. If this lineup has any pop it will have to come from some guys who are so long in the tooth that the tooth is actually dragging on the ground (Jermaine Dye, Paul Konerko, and Jim Thome). These guys are breaking down and consequently their physical ages are much older than their actual ages. I do like the spark that Cabrera will provide, but during Spring Training he better get a lot of practice handing his helmet and gloves to the base coaches and strolling to his position.

Bullpen/Bench: The White Sox do have some significant 2007 experience with Jerry Owens and Josh Fields on the pine. Owens goes around the bases faster than Taco Bell goes through a human body (32 SBs last year) and Fields has some power (23 HR), but they can’t score many runs buried behind Dye and Joe Crede. The bullpen has a solid closer (Jenks) proceeded by a coveted set up man (Linebrink). Other than that, this pen is like a who’s who of suckage.

Third Place – Minnesota Twins
Off Season: To say that the Twins had a rough winter is like saying a kick to the junk with a steel-toed boot might sting. Things started off really well when they scored promising youngsters Delmon Young and Brendan Harris from the Rays for Matt Garza and Jason Bartlett. Things went down hill from there and in the end the Twins gave away Johan Santana for some prospects and a bag of yard tools and failed to resign Torii Hunter. For those of you keeping score at home, that’s twp “face of the franchise” types (Santana & Hunter) and three-fifths of last year’s starting rotation (Santana, Garza, and Carlos Silva) gone. They were able to add some nice pieces – Adam Everett, Livan Hernandez, Mike Lamb, and Craig Monroe – but overall this winter was a total disaster. Have fun opening up that new stadium next spring, fellas.

Pitching: The success of this team is going to be based entirely on the development of their young pitchers. Four of the starters on this team are 26 or younger and Livan Hernandez will have to be half mentor and half 15 game winner. If Francisco Liriano doesn’t bounce back from Tommy John to be an ace then Twins fans will start counting the days until hockey season in June.

Lineup: This is a young team with some serious talent. With Torii Hunter leaving, Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer gain ownership of this team (not literally; if they really owned the team then they’d probably have spent some money on pitching). The Twins also have two mashers in the outfield (Young and Michael Cuddyer) and solid prospects up the middle (Harris and Carlos Gomez). They could use a power bat for DH though. Somebody give them Sammy Sosa’s number.

Bullpen/Bench: As usual the Twins’ bullpen is one of their biggest strengths. Is it just me or do these guys always have a nasty relief staff? Joe Nathan continues to be one of the most automatic closers in the league, and the set up guys are all guys you would trust to protect a lead. However, if the starters can’t eat up enough innings then all bets are off. The bench also looks pretty solid. Craig Monroe and Nick Punto are both serviceable big leaguers and will probably see some platoon time if either Adam Everett or Carlos Gomez stumble.

Second Place – Cleveland Indians – WILD CARD
Off Season: If you think the Red Sox decided not to do anything this year then hit your knees and thank God you’re not a Cleveland Indians fan. They lost next to nothing and they gained even less. Like the Royals, the Indians decided the relievers in this part of the world are so terrible that they went to the Land of Rising Curveball to bring in Masahide Kobayashi. All I can say is that I hope he’s related to the guy who wins all those hot dog eating contests. They also went out and traded for Jamey Carroll to be a super-sub.

Pitching: The strength of this team is absolutely, one-hundred percent, without a doubt the starting pitching. Last year CC Sabathia won his first Cy Young Award and Fausto Carmona gave Red Sox fans nightmares. These guys treated the league like Sean Connery treats Alex Trebek. Throw in “Mr. Consistency” Paul Byrd and a serviceable Jake Westbrook (baseball-reference.com lists Bronson Arroyo as a similar pitcher), and you’ve got a staff that will give you a chance to win everyday.

Lineup: This lineup is all about having the right pieces. They have a superstar (borderline super-duper star) in Grady (and his ladies) Sizemore, two home run and RBI guys (Martinez and Pronk), a couple of talented yutes (Franklin Gutierrez and Ass-dribble Cabrera), and a bunch of solid puzzle pieces (Blake, Peralta, Garko and Michaels). You can win with that. You just can’t win enough to take this division.
(Sidenote: All bets are off if the Indians management somehow convinces Casey Blake that every game is last year’s playoff series against the Red Sox. Seriously how many times did that guy get on base? I may have been drinking but I feel like he got like 50 hits off of us in like 5 games. By the end I wanted to light his beard on fire.)

Bullpen/Bench: The bench on this team is pretty solid with Carroll backing up the entire infield and OBP master David Dellucci as the outfield sub…you know, if you go in for that whole stats thing. The Indians’ middle relief was strong last year and should be again this year. However, having Joe Borowski closing games may prove to be like finishing a movie starring Jack Nicholson and Robert DiNero with a meaningful, heartfelt speech by Jimmy Fallon.

First Place – Detroit Tigers – PLAYOFFS (WORLD SERIES?)
Off Season: This team spent the winter going from good to terrifying. Out go big name players like Omar Infante, Chris Shelton, Sean Casey, Chad Durbin, and Mike Rabello and in come Denny Bautista, Jacque Jones, Edgar Renteria, Dontrelle Willis, and this guy Miguel Cabrera (maybe you’ve heard of him). That is like upgrading from a certificate from your local community college to a PhD from Harvard. Oh, and for all of you who keep saying Cabrera is eating himself out of the league, think about this: in Florida the guy had no veteran leadership and nothing to play for, Detroit doesn’t exactly have that problem. Can’t you picture Pudge and Sheff knocking Young Miguel’s lunch tray out of his hands and saying something like, “You can eat when you look like a ballplayer again.”

Pitching: All I’ve heard recently is that Dontrelle isn’t going to be good in the American League. Unfortunately for the rest of the league, he doesn’t need to be. The guy is going to be the number three starter in this rotation, not the ace, with two studs at the top of the rotation (Verlander and Bonderman) before you even get to Willis. Then they hit you with Kenny Rogers, who is quickly reaching “ageless wonder” status and finish up with Nate Robertson who is one of the most solid #5 starters in the league.

Lineup: Pitchers everywhere are waking up with cold sweats thinking about facing this lineup. The Tigers start All Stars at seven of nine positions (and it’s only a matter of time before Granderson joins the crowd). They have speed, power, and on-base guys. They have youthful exuberance and veteran leadership. They have one of the top leadoff hitters in the league, two of the best number two hitters (which means one will probably bat seventh) and a three-four-five of a star (Magglio Ordonez), a potential Hall of Famer (Sheff) and a budding super-duper star (Cabrera). But don’t worry, they only follow all of that up with a sure thing Hall of Famer (Pudge). Ugh, let’s move on before I start ripping shots.

Bullpen/Bench: Not only does this team have a dominant lineup, but they have the perfect medicine to combat the dreaded injury bug: a stacked bench. Brandon Inge has been really good for a couple of years, and Jacque Jones will probably be in a platoon in left with Thames. Ryan Raburn hit .304 in 138 at bats last season and Vance Wilson is a serviceable backup for Pudge. If this team does have one weakness, it’s the bullpen. Joel Zumaya is reportedly ahead of schedule in his recovery from injury, which could turn out to be the X-factor. The rest of the pen looks fairly pedestrian and Todd Jones makes Joe Borowski look like Catfish Hunter. But then again, Todd Jones has never been a dominant closer and yet managed to save 38 games last season. Even as a weakness, this bullpen doesn’t scream fatal flaw.

Overall
This division looks very good. The Tigers and Indians should both make the playoffs and the Tigers have a definite chance at the World Series. The bottom three teams aren’t good enough to compete for the division but could definitely play spoiler if any teams involved in a race has to play them late in the season.

Spring, Spring, and Other Things

I'm going to break a blogging rule and talk about three different things in one post. I'm such a rebel.

Item the first: Spring Training starts tomorrow! Officially! Now we can start obsessing over the important things, like whether or not Schilling's career is over or he's just the victim of the rumor mill (oh, the irony), if Josh Beckett became a fat sack of crap over the winter or if photographer Matt Stone is a just a vindictive SOB, how Craig Hansen's sleep patterns just matched J.D. Drew's sick kid as the "don't we feel like dicks for giving up on you" illness of the year, and whether or not they believe in business in the front, party in the back in Japan, too. That's not even taking into account the Coco/Ellsbury competition, Lester and Buchholz fighting for roster spots, Pedroia avoiding a sophomore slump, showing off the next class of Red Sox rookies, and seeing whether or not standing pat on a championship team will lead to massive ass bitings later on. I'm getting worked up just thinking about it.

Item the Second: We'll be running season previews in the coming weeks, detailing our predictions for all six major league divisions. Joining us in a reprise of our ego and superego feature will be guest columnists DC and Yankee Mike, along with Mets superfan Dave. We promise to be coherent and entertaining, which is almost too much to ask.

Item the Third: I don't like Roger Clemens. Robin doesn't like Roger Clemens. But that doesn't mean either one of us want the government running show trials in the name of finding facts about baseball. Look, guys: we understand you all love baseball as much as we do, and that as fans you want to know as much as anyone else how deeply the poison of HGH and steroids runs in the veins of the game. But the harsh light of Senate scrutiny isn't particularly illuminating when murky he said, he said statements are the name of the game and it's clear that the truth will remain buried somewhere in the darkness. Maybe Clemens is guilty, maybe he isn't, but it's a dead issue: he's out of baseball, the culture of steroids has begun to evaporate, and we've all accomplished the greater good by vilifying performance enhancements. Running an inquisition is just boring overkill.

Ankle Injury? You’re a Hero! Shoulder Injury? You’re Unemployed!

Ok everyone who is going be a starting pitcher on the Red Sox next year raise your hand.

Woah woah woah… not so fast Curt Schilling.

Apparently, Curt wasn’t so forthcoming in the injury department when Theo signed him to his 1 year $8 million dollar contract for the 2008 season. I guess when you have the reputation that Schilling has garnered, you get a simple “How’s the shoulder?” “Dude, its fine” instead of a complete physical when dealing with the Red Sox front office.

So it turns out that Mr. 38 Pitches has this major rotator cuff tear that may require season/career ending surgery OR at the very least he will be out till the All-Star break. Now besides the fact the Sox are down a major player in the rotation, they are also out a few barrels of kimchi due to Curts big ‘ol payday. Yet, it seems Curt may have knew his shoulder was no good (didn’t anyone see how banged up he was last season?) and the Sox are trying to void his contract.

That fact alone leads me to believe that Schilling will never play for the Sox again. No way you try to get out of a deal with this blabber-mouth and think that it’s all going to be hunky-dory when he gets better. No way. Do you know how much blog mileage he is gonna get out of this? I bet he’s already talked John McCain’s ear off about how nobody should disrespect him like this. Ugh… this can only end in separation.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Curt Schilling. I recognize his greatness, his accomplishments and I was looking forward to him ending his career in Boston. Also, I was expecting 12 wins out of him… but the guy is old, hurt and talks too much. Time to cut the chain.

On a similar note, I love our front office, but HOW is this a surprise to anyone? The guy was a legendary “workhorse” pitcher that’s now on the wrong side of 40! He was going to be the walking wounded even if his arm wasn’t already falling off.

Anyway, this is a roster spot easily filled by Buchholz and Tavarez paring off like oddest couple since Felix and Oscar, so it isn’t a disaster by any stretch of the imagination. I just feel that this would have been best handled a few months ago, but now we’re going to go through the whole “surgery no surgery, contract no contract” rigmarole. I can tell you right now that this is going to be draining.

But it’s not ALL bad… Truck Day on Saturday! Pitchers and Catchers! It’s almost baseball time baby!

And it's COCK FIGHT TIME! Wait... what?

UPDATE: It only took a few hours for the whole situation to get screwy. Now Schilling says he won't get surgery, didn't mean to cause trouble, and will fall in line. He's gonna rehab it out till after the All-Star break. We have to wait and see i guess.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls....Prediction Time is Here

Spring is in the air - in New York City, at least, where the temperature hovers between fifty and sixty degrees and the weather favors either damp or wet - and in addition to bringing enough Red Sox news for Robin and I to write about something more than once every blue moon (and we do apologize for that), it means the time of predictions has arrived. We'll be doing our own roundups of each division in the coming weeks, but today I commend you to an outside source: the predictions of Paul SF at Yanksfan vs Soxfan. In his article, Paul takes a few different stats systems, checks them against the real results from last year, and then uses them to make a prediction about this year. It predates the Schilling injury/not injury, so his prediction of 100 wins - as the numbers predict Boston would have done last year - may no longer be accurate, but it's still interesting reading and doesn't get too heavy on the numbers.

Bobby's Back

You know why I love following baseball? It's not the big stars; while they're fun to watch, their exploits are everyone's fare, including the uninitiated and the bandwagoner who wouldn't know a utility infielder or an unsung clubhouse hero from a hole in the wall. No, I love following baseball for the moments when I'm talking to a long-time Red Sox fan and make a reference to Troy O'Leary or Tom Brunansky or Jody Reed or Lou Merloni and the moment of recognition, where the long-forgotten name surfaces back to the consciousness and brings back a flood of memories that hit the face like a sledgehammer. A slow smile spreads across their face (or doesn't, if we're talking about someone like Jose Offerman), and they say, "oh yeah...I remember [that guy]..." and we've bonded over something.

Bobby Kielty fits into that class of players - a guy who came to Boston to fill a backup role, had enough success to make him a bit of a go to guy when the outfield fell apart in August, motivated Robin to talk in a Jamaican accent when speaking of his exploits, and established a cult hero legacy amongst those of us who know best by pinch hitting the home run that won the World Series. Rest assured: Bobby Kielty will be one of those guys we remember 20 years from now during a night of drinking and BSing about the Sox.

And now he might be coming back for another go, backing up Ellsbury in what will hopefully the young outfielder's triumphant rookie season. Non-guaranteed $800,000 contract, fighting for a roster spot with Coco Crisp? Sounds like Bobby's got a good chance of making his Boston legacy grow.

Casey At the Bat

NICE! A 34 year old non-mobile 1st baseman that can't play any other position and is an injury risk! Sign me up!

Naw I'm just kidding. Sean Casey for $800,000 and 1 year is a good deal and it gives us an option when Youk or Lowell need to sit. The guy hits for good average (but no power) and can KILL lefties. I love that. Anyone who can do that gets a special gold star in my book (it's a picture book).

Also, this is a premium clubhouse guy. The Mayor already has an established following, a great nickname and he is gonna mesh really well with this group of goofballs and headcases.

So that's the corner bench guy, Cora has the middle infield, Coco and Jacoby backing each other (and Manny and Drew) in the outfield, and Beilli and the alternate backstop. So is that the bench? This what we're going with?

I like it... I'm hip.

Trades! No... Really!

Here's a measure of how little is going on with the Sox: Robin and I both wrote posts about David Aardsma coming to Boston at the same time, without telling each other until after the posts went up. Comedy of errors, we know. Because we love all of our written children equally, we're proud to present both takes in one post. Enjoy.

Robin's Take:
I was sitting at a bar with DC pondering the movement of Santana to the Mets (out of the AL!) and Bedard to Seattle (out of the East!) when he informed me of something I was not aware:

DC: Did you hear the Sox made a move this week?
Robin: Oh yeah? We get a backup infielder?
DC: No no no. We got David Aardsma from the White Sox for like two nobodies! He's gonna fill the spot Gagne left on the bullpen.
Robin: Not like that's a hard job... but I don't know who this guy is.
DC: He was a MONSTER in the first part of the season. I had him on my fantasy team.
Robin: Cool. Then what?
DC: Then... well.... not so much.

I guess "not so much" means +5 ERA. Yikes. Well at least it's a move. And he did get off to a hot start. And it's not like he could be WORSE than Gagne. One thing I know for certain is that I will mispronounce this guy's name.

Whatever. It's a move. I guess someone is running this team after all. Now let's shore up the bench.


Eric's Take:
Here's how little is going on with the Sox right now: I happened to go to RedSox.com last night and the news of a trade involving David Aardsma coming to Boston actually made me stop short and read with interest. Is this what keeping a championship team together means? That I get news-happy over a trade involving a 26-year-old journeyman reliever (not a contradiction: four teams in four years screams either journeyman or clubhouse cancer, no matter how young he is) and two Class A "prospects" whose chances of breaking into the bigs seem about as likely as my getting struck by lightning twice while winning the lottery? If so, maybe we should bring back Hot Stove Winter '04/'05 style so I'd have something to obsess about besides pitchers and catchers reporting in 17 days, 1 hour, 25 minutes, and 9...8...7...6 seconds. But hey, I have Aarsdma instead. That's cool...maybe he'll be good beyond this Spring this year.

Total topic shift, but congrats to the Mets on ending the Santana Sweepstakes - having that deal-that's-not-a-deal hang around (will he go to Boston? Will he go to the Yankees? What ridiculous combination of prospects will the Twins demand?) was like storing fish in the refrigerator a couple of days too long: it was starting to smell something fierce. This way, Johan's out of the AL, and I don't have to worry about this terrible scenario. Everybody wins!

Sox Resign Lopez and Paint Dries

In an attempt to make the 2008 Red Sox team look almost IDENTICAL to the 2007 squad, the Sox have signed Javier Lopez to a 1 year 840 grand deal that makes me so excited I almost forgot to yawn.

I mean really... Javier Lopez?

I guess this is what qualifies as big news for this club this off season. Noticed I haven't written much this winter? Well that's cause it's been duller than the Boston sky in January. Besides the Johan Santana flap (which is turning into nothing. This could be the biggest tease since the Scarlett Johansson side boob in "A Love Song For Bobby Long") there hasn't been a single interesting move or trade. Unless your a Cardinal, Tiger or Diamondback your team looks pretty much like it did (or is worse) than it was at the end of 2007.

Let's just get the season started already. Come on P's and C's...

Dougie Rides Again

It seemed inevitable - who else were they going to use? Kevin Cash? - but Doug Mirabelli will be back for another year of knuckleball catching fun, being the stud who hits bombs, killing it, and killing it again, all for the bargain price of half a million dollars. I get that the Sox are going to keep trying to find replacements for a once-a-week catcher who's on the ugly side of 35 and whose glory days of an OPS+ above 100 faded along with the 2004 season, but shouldn't they just give Doug the same endless one year options they've given Wake and be done with it? They could even tie the option to Wake's continuing to pitch to make the two players completely inseparable, and then apply to the commissioner's office to have the new unit count as only one roster spot. How could that idea not have the potential it needs to get done? By the way: I'd also take Doug keeping with last year's trend, hitting above .250, and maybe - just maybe - not swinging for the fences on every pitch.

The Best of the Best

A site called TopProspectAlert.com recently released their list of the top 10 Red Sox prospects for 2008, compiled by writer J.P. Schwartz. The top two entries (Buchholz and Ellsbury) shouldn't come as a surprise, but Jed Lowrie, who's entry number three, has put up some interesting numbers and - barring any problems during his second stint in AAA, where he's already played 40 games - figures to be a September call up in 2008, especially if Lugo continues his light-hitting ways. Lowrie's biggest concern: his walk to strikeout ratio, which had favored walks in AA, flipped at the AAA level and lowered his OBP in the process. However, AA was the first time Lowrie had walked more than he struck out, so it's also possible that level of success was accidental. In any case, Lowrie is definitely a guy to keep an eye on.

Happy Holidays From Keep Your Sox On!

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for Curt Schilling calling out Roger Clemens in his blog;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Johan Santana soon would be there (but please don't trade Ellsbury);

Red Sox Nation was nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of future championships danced in their heads;

And Hazel Mae in her 'kerchief, and Jerry Remy in his cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Jerry sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash (making sure not to knock over Wally).

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight championship pitchers in the guise of reindeer ("Nahmally," he thought "you don't see pitchers playing reindeeah"),

With a young driver, so lively and quick,
He knew in a moment it must be St. Theo.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Wakefield! now, Beckett! now, Matsuzaka and Okajima!
On, Papelbon (and your overeager dog)! on Delcarmen! on, Tavarez and Timlin!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the Green Monster!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of rings, and Theo Epstein too.

And then, in a twinkling, Jerry heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each pitching foot.

As Jerry drew in his hand, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Theo came with a bound.

He was dressed in slacks and button down shirt from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of player development profiles he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

And Jerry laughed when he saw him, in spite of himself;
A wink of Theo's eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave Jerry to know he had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But Jerry heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Hot Stove to all, and to all a good-night."

The MITCHELL! Report

What better way to start discussing the most damaging MLB investigative report ever than to open with a Joe Don Baker movie of the same name. Mitchell is like the white version of Shaft… no wonder it got the MST3K treatment.

Anyway, the Mitchell Report tells us a lot about who used Steroids and HGH over the last 20 or so years in Major League Baseball. It names names, points fingers and has a ton o' evidence to support it. It’s the smoking gun everyone has been waiting for or dreading depending on how you feel about our national pastime.

Personally I almost wish that this dirty laundry stay hidden and never saw the light of day…but with this many people and with so much pressure from the US Government (seriously, don’t you guys have better things to do?) this was bound to happen.

So without further adieu…here is my cherry picked list of favorites (and least favorites) from the Mitchell Report. The full list of players can be found here and the complete document (yikes) can be found here.

The “No Duh! I Already Knew That” Group
Barry Bonds- That does not help your court case buddy.
Jose Canseco- He even tried to bust in on the press conference with an “I told you so!”
Rick Ankiel- So much for that comeback of the year award.
Rafael Palmeiro- No more finger pointing?
Gary Mathews Jr.- Still, nice catch…
Jason and Jeremy Giambi- Only one of them was taking the “good” steroids though.
Gary Sheffield- I guess flaxseed oil isn’t a truth serum.

The “Well That Makes Sense” Group
Jose Guillen- Roid rage poster child.
John Rocker- No longer just a racist.
David Justice- Former Mr. Halle Berry
Troy Glaus- Always looked the type to me.
Benito Santiago- Popeye arms… but tainted spinach.
Kevin Brown- Loved seeing him on here. I guess that’s why he punched that wall so hard.

The “Dirty Dealer” Group
Larry Bigbie
Paul Lo Duca
After looking through the report, it seems like these two knuckleheads were responsible for introducing tons of players to the trainers and other contacts that had the illicit substances. Way to go guys…share and share alike.

The “Media Frenzy” Group
Miguel Tejada- Biggest current bat on the list. Have fun in Houston next year Miggy.
Andy Pettitte- Biggest current Yankee on the list. Graphic details in the report too.
Roger Clemens- Biggest asshole on the list (close vote). He and Pettitte got some special treatment in the report due to the first hand knowledge of the accuser. This was almost like a Christmas present.

The “Say it Ain’t So” Group
Chuck Knoblauch- Knob-head? Really? This was the “scrappy guy” I grew up laughing at as he threw the ball in the stands.
Brian Roberts- Wow. Just never would have guessed him. He seemed to have the shakiest evidence in the report however.

The “Red Sox Connection” Group
Brendan Donnelly- Only one of 2 Sox who played on this years team. Roids were done before he joined.
Eric Gagne- The other one. He should have KEPT on taking them. Maybe he wouldn’t have sucked.
Mike Lansing- This one kinda shocked me. I always thought of him as a small quick guy. Shows what I know.
Mike Stanton- Traveling Mike on the juice? Maybe this explains why he was in the league for 40 years.
Paxton Crawford- His name came up months ago. I barely remember the guy but it still fires me up that he was using while on the Red Sox.
Mo Vaughn- This one really hurts. Add him to the “Say it Ain’t So” Group too. It was said he used it to rehab his ankle... but man, does this do a number on my inner child Sox fan.

The “Bad Rumor” Group
This is a collection of names that were on a false early report leaked this morning or just rumored from some other spot. NONE OF THESE GUYS ARE IN THE FINAL REPORT.

Albert Pujols- One of the faces of baseball? I feel like we dodged a bullet here.
Nomar Garciaparra- This would have made me sad…
Trot Nixon- …but not as much as this and…
Jason Varitek- …not NEARLY as much as this.
Carl Evertt- Crazy Carl is all natural.
Johnny Damon- Would have made some sense…and made me laugh.
"Your Kiss"- As reported by Hall and Oats.
A-Rod- Not mentioned at all, but I did notice he pushed to get his contract finished before the report came out today…makes you think…well, not really.

So that’s my personal short version of the guys who graced the content of this fine publication. But now that the Mitchell Report is public…there are still a lot of questions. Are these all stone cold facts (not really)? What’s gonna happen to these guys who got caught (probably nothing)? Should this list even have been made (yeah…but maybe not for the public)?

It’s kinda like Pandora's Box, but the lid's been off for years…we’ve just never looked inside before. This might have been something that could have been done internally, but alerting the public and media gives just the amount of outrage to the story.

The moral of this report? Try not to hangout with Paul Lo Duca and don’t pay for Roids with checks. Words to live by.

What to Do...What to Do

It wouldn't be a hot stove season at Keep Your Sox On unless our pal DC had a few pearls of baseball wisdom to dispense to the fortunate masses. Here's his take on how the front office is doing as they gear up for the 2008 campaign. Enjoy...

I've been promising to give my opinion of the off-season needs of the Old Towne Team ever since the World Series ended. So why am I so late in doing so? Well, let’s just say that living with Robin can apparently make you lazy through osmosis. So yeah, I know Theo and the boys have already done some things but its never too late to chime in. So without further ado, we might as well start with what’s already happened...

Moves Made:

• Schilling Re-signed – I would have approached this exactly as the front office did. The pitching market this off-season is as dreadful as Ron Jeremy’s physique, so why wouldn’t you throw a one year deal at Schill? Even if he’s no longer a top two guy, he's still a workhorse who competes, drives the rest of the pitching staff, and wants to win. Maybe he can even teach young Clay how to put a little meat on his bones.
  
  
• Lowell Re-signed – This too was ideal in my eyes. I was saying during the World Series that they should offer the Cuban George Clooney a 3 year deal with a club or mutual option for a 4th. Turns out, they got the man with the golden glove for 3 years without the option. So now we all win, Lowell gets paid, the Sox get a World Series MVP, we all get to enjoy his flawless defense and my girlfriend still has someone to think about while we’re in bed...yeah, don’t ask.
  
  
• Wake’s Option Picked Up – This was a no-brainer! Timmy Knuckles continues to be one of the biggest bargains in the league. The guy gives you quality innings, saves your pen, and is one of the vets who keeps things loose. Wake’s option will be picked up every year until he decides to hang it up...and then hopefully he’ll go teach the knuckleball to our A and AA squads.
  
  
• JT’s Option Picked Up – Much like signing Schilling, this makes total sense. The free agent relief pitchers this year are like a who’s who of crap. The devil that you know is much better than the devil that you don’t...particularly when the devil that you know is nuttier than squirrel turds and a quality relief option.

Work To Be Done:

I like the strategy that Theo and the moneymakers seem to be following. In short, secure the starting line up, re-arm the bullpen and then fill in the bench. So let’s look at these three tasks in order:

• Starting Lineup – With Lowell signed, the only decision to be made is who’s in center field. Personally, I like Coco. The guy is a freaking vacuum in center field, only if a vacuum was jet-propelled and was able to fly through the air like Bobby Orr. That being said, Jacoby is clearly the talk of the town and is clearly talented. Sounds like a no lose situation to this guy.
  
  
• Bullpen – As of right now we have a pen of Paps, Okie Dokie, MDC, JT Killer, Javier the Lesser, and Franken-Bronson. Unfortunately a quick perusal of the free agent market leaves you feeling like you just ate a crate of Hot Pockets. While optimistic Sox fans may have faith in the emergence of Bryan Corey and Brendan Donnelly, the reality is we’re talking about a 34 year old with only 3 years of experience in the bigs and a guy coming off Tommy John surgery. So, the front office is going to have to rescue some arms off of this year’s free agent scrap heap and they already missed out on the likes of Kerry Wood, David Riske and Scott Linebrink. Here are some viable options:
  
  
• Mike Timlin – This guy is quickly becoming the ageless wonder. Just when we were all writing him off this season, he came back and cut through more lumber than Paul Bunyan. As long as Tito doesn’t overuse him, he'll be great for 2008.
  
  
• Jeremy Affeldt – Managed to rejuvenate his career for this year’s NL Champs and he’s one of the few free agents who’s actually under 30.
  
  
• Ron Mahay – I don’t know...why not? I trust him more than LaTroy Hawkins.
  
  
• Bench – At this point our bench consists of Alex Cora and the aforementioned Ellsbury. That means we probably have 3 spots that need to be filled and they most likely need to be an outfielder, catcher and utility guy...
  
  
• Catcher – I know somehow Belli fell out of favor with the Boston fans. But here’s the deal, no other guy in the league is a sure thing when it comes to catching Timmy Knuckles. There is no youth available so you’re not getting Tek’s future replacement this off season. So why not go with the sure thing?
  
  
• Outfielder - Bobby Kielty: that huge home run in the World Series has got to be worth something right?
  
  
• Utility - Rob Mackowiak, Eric Hinske, Mike Lamb – None of them are going to carry a team any time soon. But each will give you innings at multiple positions and they all have experience starting games if need be.

Irons in the Fire:

You didn’t think we could go through this roundup without discussion of the blockbuster trade rumors, did you? Honestly, the Santana trade makes me uneasy because of the size of the contract that it will take to complete this deal. $25 million a year is a lot of money for any pitcher. At this point, making a trade for Erik Bedard is more enticing. This trade will cost the Sox fewer prospects and less money. In fact, the ideal move here would be something along the lines of Lester, Coco, Jed Lowry and a mid-to-low level prospect for Bedard and Kevin Millar. This gets Theo the splashy pitcher that he wants, solves the need for a utility guy and makes Boston the most fun-filled clubhouse in the league again. Everybody wins! Regardless of who the Sox trade for (Santana, Bedard, Haren) the real concern here is what does this mean about Dice-K? Do Theo and the boys no longer see him as Schilling’s replacement as 1A to Beckett’s 1?

Hell No! Don't Let Jacoby Go!

Ladies and gentlemen of Red Sox Nation, I want to thank (most of) you for not being retarded. I'll admit my lack of faith: When I saw that Boston.com had posted a poll asking users whether or not the Sox should include Ellsbury in a deal for Santana, I was pretty sure results were going to swing to a decisive yes, and that I was going to rant on for several paragraphs about why that would be such a bad idea. Instead, out of the 50,000 or so of you who answered, only 18.2 percent were so thick headed as to want Santana at any cost, and I appreciate that level of intelligence very much. (By the way, if you disagree with me, feel free to let me have it in the comments section.)

Whether or not the front office shares that same intellectual fortitude still seems to be a matter of worrying discussion, with silence on the matter reigning from the negotiating powers that be. If Ellsbury is on the table, I have two hopes:

1. That he's part of a ploy by the Sox to get the Yankees to abandon Hank Steinbrenner's latest foolish ultimatum and overbid by including Ian Kennedy in a deal. Sure, Santana would end up in pinstripes, but as I've observed before, that's not a situation that I find particularly concerning.
2. That Boston remembers that while they don't need Santana (they'd just like to have him), the Twins only have until July to get something for their ace before he walks out the door and leaves them with a draft pick. Santana may generate interest from multiple teams, but the Twins are still in the weaker bargaining position.