Monday, July 03, 2006

Game 80: The Tampa Bay All-Star Kraken

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 0, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 3

Forget being Devil Ray, Scott Kazmir is a sea monster… and the Sox are the fleeing villagers. He growls as his fastballs blow away the feeble batters. His curve sinks ships (and hopes) as hitters march slowly back to the dugout. Jason Varitek recoils in horror as he strikes out 4 times in 4 at bats. He quietly weeps while Kazmir is only hungry for more. He shows no remorse, no pity and no weakness.

Kazmir had 10 strikeouts and only allowed 2 hits in the complete game victory. The Rays offence got to Beckett in the form of 3 solo shots, but on a normal night 3 runs would be nothing that the Sox bats couldn’t overcome. Tonight, it seemed like 30 runs. Kazmir put the Red Sox over his knee like naughty children. He is a tsunami to our desert island, the Kryptonite to our Supermen, the Anna Nicole Smith to our dying billionaire.

But if you are going to lose (and lose BAD) you might was well lose to the best a team has to offer. And Kazmir is just that. He is the only all-star on Tampa (sorry Rays TV announcers who said Carl Crawford should not only be an all-star, but also that he is the most athletic player in the AL… whatever that means) and he is one of the best pitchers in the league. I would rather lose to Kazmir than to Casey “The Blade” Fossum who is on the mound for the Rays tomorrow or Tim “AAA” Corcoran who goes on Wednesday.

What am I saying? Being “beaten by the best” is still being beaten. F*** that noise. Now, I want to see Schilling take care of business and the Sox bats to remind Fossum why he is on a team that has a “Canseco’s chance in the Hall of Fame” to make the playoffs.