Boston Red Sox 5, Kansas City Royals 4
Doug Mirabelli here. Look, I know the only people why you Boston fans love me is because I’m the only one that can catch that Timmy Knuckles…that and my winning personality. And I love Boston for the attention and the steady supply of chicken parm from the North End, so it works out.
Anyway, after Will Ferrell did his best El Tiante impersonation before the game tonight (true story – I have no idea what that’s about), I decided it’s about time to shake the boys out of this mini slump they’ve been playing with recently. I mean, losing three out of four to Oakland? Come on. Sure, there were some tough, unexpected losses there, but nothing to get real down about. But I wasn’t sure what to do until the seventh inning…
Look, up until that point, things weren’t going so well. Timmy has some sort of back thing, I don’t know but it sounds kinda bad and he had to leave after four innings – and he was kinda stinking up the joint against the Royals, so it was probably just as well. Long-term issues aside, we’re talking down four to zip against the underdogs from Kansas City in the seventh frickin’ inning and the hits we do get seem to end up strung inside David DeJesus’s glove, like he’s using fly paper or something. First, we got some set up: Manny smacked a single, Lowell moved him over to third with another single, Coco sent him home with another single (seeing a pattern here?) and then I came to the plate.
They bring me in my own pitcher for the occasion and the guy is all over the place. 3 and 1 and he gives me what’s clearly ball four, but that turkey umpire gives me strike two. Well, I said to myself, screw it. That ball comes anywhere close to the plate on the next pitch and I’m driving it out of here. And, of course, I did. Right into the Monster Seats. Beautiful, just beautiful. Tie game, Royals don’t recover, Paps get the save and we avoid what would have been the most embarrassing loss of the year. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go ask the neighbors if they saw the bomb I hit tonight.
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