Game 39: We Hit 'Em Hella Deep

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 5, Philadelphia Phillies 3

Yay, dingers!

Oh long ball, how we love you. The first game of Boston’s interleague match ups for this year might have been in the City of Brotherly Love, but the offense was all about knocking things around: three dingers out of tiny Citizen’s Bank Park put the Sox on top from the second inning and gave Matt Clement his fourth victory of the year. Matty even helped himself with a single in the fifth that led to a run with jack number of three of the night, a second deck shot by Ortiz.

I admit I was a little worried about how things were going to turn out tonight. Robin reminded me yesterday that Jon Lieber was one of the Yankees’ more effective weapons against Boston in 2004 and even though he’s had a mixed career in Philadelphia in 2005 and 2006 (it seems like a fastball pitcher might have a tough time Philly if he doesn’t make his pitches), that certainly wouldn’t stop the offense from taking an inopportune night off. It didn’t help that Clement had a hiccup in the first inning where he loaded the bases with a double and two walks, only to escape with unscathed a flyball out. Fortunately, we have Mike Lowell, the man who hits doubles. Give him a fastball that stays up and take away the Green Monster and not surprisingly, we have a double double, scoring Manny and seizing the lead, two to nothing. Good stuff.

Clement mostly settled down after that and boosted by a solo Varitek shot to right made it to the fourth inning before giving up a home run himself to Shane Victorino (who?). He ran into more trouble in the sixth, putting two men on before getting out of the inning, but by that point, the Sox had knocked Lieber of the game after he fed Ortiz one of those sweet inside pitches that just doesn’t go inside far enough. Ortiz knocked it into the second deck, of course, because that’s what he does, scoring Clement with what turned out to be the winning run.

The only big flaw of the night for the Sox came in the seventh, when the wheels finally came off Clement’s train for the night. Matt seems to go from cooking to cooked very quickly this year and tonight was no exception – he put the other Alex Gonzalez (what, did the two of them switch leagues in the off season?) and Jimmy Rollins on base with two outs, then surrendered the ball to Foulke. Foulke very nearly gave up a home run to Chase Utley, who had to settle with a two run double instead. Foulke gets the final out the seventh, Timlin and Papelbon are perfect for two innings and “Dirty Water” is ringing through the heads of RSN members everywhere.

Tomorrow night, Beckett and Myers square off for game two. I’m a little nervous about this game, too: the first time I saw Josh Beckett pitch in person was last year at Citizen’s Bank and he had one of those really bad first innings. Of course, he also had blister problems last year and so far, we’ve been blessed by their absence. GO SOX!!!

Game 38: Not a Unique Snowflake

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 3, Baltimore Orioles 4

“On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.”

In this Fight Club edition of Keep Your Sox On (if you haven’t seen that movie this won’t make any sense), the Baltimore Orioles break free from the complete domination that the Sox have had over the last two seasons. The Sox finally succumb to the weight of “The Streak” and break down to Bedard and the Tangerine Crew. Bats were flailing, Bedard was dealing and Wake got nothing in the way of run support again! If I did have a tumor, I’d name it Bedard.

The duo of Wakefield and Doug “Space Monkey” Mirabelli were treading dangerous water by putting two on in the 1st and then loading the bases in the 2nd, but got out of it unscathed. It wasn’t till the 4th when Millar put Project Mayhem into full effect by way of a 2 run shot. So much for having a Sox spy in the Baltimore system. Doesn’t he know this will affect his interview with NESN during the off-season? The Orioles got 2 more in the 5th just off bloop hits and then one unfortunate pass ball. This inning was like Ed Norton fighting with himself in the parking lot. An uppercut right into your own jaw.

In the 9th things got interesting. Loretta singled off rookie closer Chris Ray and then Ortiz (so freaking CLUTCH) launches one making it a 4-3 ball game. Could they comeback? Could they make soap from a team that is essentially the fat of the AL East? With two outs, Wily Mo slaps one to Tejeda who falls flat on his face while trying to pivot and throw. Ugly, but the tying run is on. Pinch running, the OTHER Willie takes off on the 2nd pitch to Nixon. Caught Stealing*. So close, but, "sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.” Fight over. Game over. Streak over. It hurts. Not as painful as a chemical burn… but this one was close.

Oh, and the Yankees won. I guess these things happen. One day, “you're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world” the next, you’re in a tie for first.

Tyler Durden says: Go Sox.

*I am freaking sick of Willie Harris. You only have one job and you can't even do that? There was a HOLD SIGN ON, you waste of flesh! If I could fight anyone on the Red Sox... I would fight you.

Game 37: Something Wicked This Way Comes?

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 6, Baltimore Orioles 5

Why does it feel like something ominous is on the horizon?

Hurrah for the win, but any day where Curt Schilling survives an outing instead of dominating it is not a day where confidence abounds. And, given Curt’s steadily rising ERA since that long start in Cleveland on April 25, confidence seems to be slinking towards the door, not abounding in that special way that only confidence can. It seems foul things are afoot in the house of Schilling.

Eight home runs. That’s how many dingers Curt has surrendered in his past five starts – including the three he gave up tonight – accounting for about half of his total runs in that time frame. Home runs suggest pitches that stay up, don’t sink, don’t fool the hitter, suggest mechanical problems and raise the ugly specter of the 2005 ankle. Given Schilling’s magical first four outings and the incredible reversal that’s happened since, I have to wonder if something’s up, or if he’s just having a bad May. Robin and I were discussing today: the Yankees are in a position of weakness right now with their spate of injuries; Boston could pull a 2005 White Sox and establish a commanding lead in the AL East now before the Yankees pull in the talent at the trading deadline to help them make a playoff run. Curt Schilling off his game and hurt won’t help the cause at all.

At the same time though, maybe it just is a bad May. With the new level of press security enacted by the Red Sox Front Office over the winter, getting answers to injury questions seems to be about as easy as breaking in to Fort Knox, so it might be a while, if ever, before any of us outside the organization know what’s going on. At the same time, though, this is Red Sox Nation we’re talking about: we’re Chicken Little hypochondriacs who go into full panic mode at the slightest rumor, lead by our beloved sports media. We don’t need to know what’s going on with Schilling unless he’s going on the DL and they have to amputate something.

In the meantime, I choose to enjoy these little gifts from Baltimore as they come. Tonight’s victory, bolstered by some timely offense from pretty much everyone in the lineup, makes it thirteen in a row against the orange birds. The bullpen shut things down without a hitch, Timlin got six outs on twelve pitches because he’s awesome like that and Papelbon picked up save number fourteen because he is a god sent to us from on high to show us all love and fear in a single pitch. Not that I’m a fanboy, or made shirts that compared our closer to the Pope, or anything like that. Anyway…Tim Wakefield tomorrow night against Erik Bedard for the sweep. Wake, by the way, could be a twenty game winner this year if the Sox could consistently score more than three runs for him.

Game 36: Hi! Remember baseball?

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 11, Baltimore Orioles 1

Lopez does a poor rain dance

Even though the East coast is underwater, the Red Sox were able to evacuate themselves down to Baltimore and managed to get a game in against the (well let's just face it) totally mystified Orange Birds. 10 run difference? Ahhh I like it. After a long break, the pitching and bats were eager to beat up on the hapless Icterus galbul.

Beckett is doing his best to make himself the ace of this staff. After a slight “oh no” homerun from Tejeda in the 1st inning, the rusty nail eating, fire breathing JB reared his head and only allowed one more hit, no walks and 6 K in 7 innings (on only 80 pitches). He might have gone longer but there was some concern about blisters on his hand. Frankly, I don’t think this could be too big a problem. Get some crazy glue and sand paper and rub those things off. That’s what they did to Tavaraz’s face and he turned out fine. Speaking of the ugly devil, he and Foulke cleaned things up nicely in the 8th and 9th.

However, this game wasn’t all sunshine and smiles. During a somber ceremony in the 5th inning, after getting torched for 8 runs, Rodrigo Lopez was stripped of his “Sox Killer” membership, ID card and parking pass. I couldn’t get a good angle from MLBtv, but I think I saw Ted Lilly and Scott Kazmir kick the crap out of him and roll him into a gutter by the Camden Yards garage.

Nobody wants to see that type of brutality, unless you happen to be in the Red Sox line up or a Boston fan. Wily Mo, Tek and Lowell all went deep tonight and of the 13 hits the Sox got, 6 were for extra bases. They even were consistent with runners in scoring position and only left 6 on base. You know, it’s really hard to complain about these blowout games… but let me try. Ummm… damn why did Lowell not get a double? Just a triple and homerun huh? I knew he was finished. Totally over the hill. Yeah… this is not working.

Anyway, tomorrow is another wonderful game against Baltimore (biblical weather permitting). Schilling vs Chen. GO SOX.

************

And just because I think it's funny and NOT because I don't support the fantastic cause: ---->THE BEST PICTURE EVER<----

Rain, rain, go away...

"What did you do this weekend man?"

"Nothing."

"Yeah me neither."

"Rain sucks."

"Yeah. Rain sucks."

"Well, you want to go look at pics of that Florida teacher on the National bikini team?"

"Hell yeah! When I was in school, all my female teachers looked like Martin Landau."

Game 35: Wash Out

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 0, Texas Rangers 6

Oh Kameron Loe, with your above-average ERA, your also above-average WHIP and your win/loss record that doesn’t mean squat out of context but is also not so impressive, your goofy California grin, your big words, and your small, difficult words…why, why, why must you make your bid for admission to the Rodrigo Lopez Club? Why, when the Red Sox seem to have finally evicted the founding member of the club (knock on wood), do they feel the need to add another pitcher to the rolls? Things started off so well, too…

There might have been a tremendous fog over the field, but first inning, Youk starts things off with a single. Sure, Loretta wiped the bases with a DP shortly afterward, but Big Papi worked a walk, fouling off pitch after pitch until Loe lost the battle with a pitch outside. Manny might have struck out to end the inning, but by God, there was hope. And then Matt Clement stepped to the mound to start the second inning.

Staking Loe to a one-run lead was a poorly thought-out strategy. Staking him to a four-run lead after three innings was like the baseball equivalent of Pickett’s Charge: a very, very bad idea that bore naught but ill fruit for those who attempted it. Ok, I’m being a little over dramatic. Clement gave up four runs on six hits in five innings; Mike Holtz put on the finishing touches with an additional two runs in the sixth, while Loe proved himself a mud-runner and scattered five hits and a walk over five innings without surrendering a run. The rain washed away the rest, unfortunately after the game became official.

Tomorrow night, rain depending, game two featuring Lenny DiNardo versus John Karonka. Let’s get this one back, boys. GO SOX!!!

Game 34: Can I get a Witness?

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 5, New York Yankees 3

They came, I saw, Sox conquered

For those of you who are unfamiliar with my situation, I live in New York (how could you not know that? It’s in the title of the damn blog). If I want to see a baseball game, my options are (a) Mets or (b) Yankees. As a Red Sox fan I usually choose option (c) Stay at home and watch the Sox on MLBtv. However, every so often my buddy the Yankees fan (thanks Mike) will give me a call and ask if I want to partake in his season tickets and watch a game at the Stadium. Every time the Red Sox are in town I hold my breath and wait by the phone like a technician in a nuke silo and missiles have just been spotted in Cuba. Have a spare… please have a spare… come on and ring damn it. YES! I got the call. I got to see the rubber match live and in person. Life is sweet.

Now, there are a couple of things I keep in mind when visiting rival territory.

1. Be mindful about your attire. If you don’t want Vinny and Vito telling you to “go back to Boston” for 9 innings, a cap and bright red shirt might not be the best choice. I went with a blue Boston Red Sox shirt with white lettering. I represent incognito.

2. Be respectful. Cheering too loudly and being a jerk is a great way to get your ass kicked by 55,000 Bronx gentlemen. Plus, I was with Yankee fans and I want them to ask me back when the Sox play here in two weeks.

3. Bring money. Just like Fenway. $7.75 for a Bud Light? This better be the best beer ever! Huh, you got lucky.

I tried to follow these rules the best I could. I enjoy the rivalry and I don’t want to be viewed as one of those “bad fans,” whatever that means. It’s interesting going into the lion's den and having to abide by their customs. I felt like a pilgrim in an unholy land. But as the game progressed I found it was easy to forget rule #2:

On Matsui’s injury: “Haha!! I mean… ouch. That sucks.”

On Wakefield pitching: “Sit down Giambi you juicer! I mean… wow, he didn’t look good on that pitch.”

On the Sox clutch hitting: “15 men left on base? They should be up by 8 runs! I mean… oh Chacon got out of another jam. What good defense by Crosby and Damon. Oh who am I kidding? F*** this!”

On Mariano Rivera: “Yeah that’s some insurance bitch! Willie Harris is bustin you UP! It really sucked the life out of this place! I mean… oh darn look at that. Another run. Oh well.”

On Papelbon: “YEAHHHHHH PAP-EL-BOOOOOON! Ummm… I mean… YEAHHHHHH PAP-EL-BOOOOOON!”

On the win: “Take that motherf******! 2 out of 3 in your house! What else you got? Ummm… I mean… Tough loss chaps! Cheer up though. I’m sure you’ll get us next time!”

Anyway a good time was had by all (especially me) and the Red Sox prevail in one of the more frustrating games of the year. My ass remains un-kicked, we got a big win, and the Sox take some home against Texas. Meanwhile, the Yankees have to make due with Crosby and Cabrera in the outfield corners. Yikes. That really makes me thankful for Wily Mo.

Next up is a visit from the Lone Star State and Clement vs Loe. I know everything is bigger in Texas; do they export? Does it go for win streaks too? I think it does... GO SOX.

Game 33: And...Switch!

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 3, New York Yankees 7


Kinda like last night, only the opposite result and our bullpen is better. Perhaps bolstered (or is it scared?) by the Passion of the Boss, the Yankees spoiled another marquee-pitching match up by roughing up Schilling for six runs over five innings. At first I thought the Sox were going to seal the deal in the first: a two-run Papi bomb in the top of the inning and Schilling getting through the first with only a single to Giambi. Lowell added a run with a solo shot in the second, we’re all feeling fine…and then the Yankees grab one back in their half of the inning. Then tie up the game with Giambi’s second homer in as many games in the third. I think Giambi might this year’s Sheffield: small sample size so far, but he’s the only one to have consistent success against Boston pitching this year.

Two more homers in the fifth to seal the deal, with an RBI single in the sixth as insurance from Damon, who chose to end his personal slump against Boston tonight and that’s basically all we got. The Boston bats that have been so loud in the past few days were all quiet, Mussina hit most of his spots after the second and putting Willie Harris in the eight hole instead of Peña didn’t help. I assume putting Harris in the lineup tonight was a numbers decision only – the team did just get a day off two days ago – but even though Harris has had very good numbers in the fifteen times he’s faced Mussina in the past, Wily Mo’s numbers against right-handers this season are equally impressive, so those deciding numbers probably weren’t offensive ones. At least I hope not, although the way most of the lineup was (or wasn’t) hitting tonight, switching players probably wouldn’t have made a difference.

However, no need to become raving lunatics quite yet…Keep Your Sox On doesn’t believe there are 162 seasons a year and this isn’t Boston Dirt Dogs. There are two silver linings to keep in mind: first, along with that homer, Papi hit three singles, including one that squirted through that damn shift that teams keep using against him. Like Soxaholix said two day ago, Papi goes into a slump and it’s the calm before the storm. Tonight was thunder crackling with the storm on a course to pass directly overhead. Second, Schill might not have been at his best tonight, but the bullpen did a pretty good job. Tito kept new guy Mike Holtz on a short leash, so he only gave up one run in his third of an inning of work, but Timlin, Tavarez and Papelbon shut down the New York offense for the night, giving Boston the (unused) chance to mount a comeback. At the end of the season, when it’s stretch drive time and a loss can mean the AL East title, that bullpen strength might make the difference between a win and a loss.

Tomorrow night, Yankees nemesis Tim Wakefield against Shawn Chacon for the series win. Will the knuckleball dance its way out of the nightmares of Yankee hitters and on to the field of play? Will the Red Sox bats strike bat with a vengeance terrible to behold? Only time will tell. GO SOX!!!

Game 32: Enter The Yankees

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 14, New York Yankees 3

The Red Sox showed the unrelenting will of the warrior

This was one of those “statement” games. A “statement” to everyone who thinks the Red Sox look weak and thinks the lineup has huge holes. It’s a message to everyone like Mike Vaccaro (you filth) who want to hit our batters so they soften up. It’s a warning to everyone who thought the sweep would be easy for New York. Ah grasshopper, you forgot one thing. The Red Sox Kung Fu is now stronger in the Bronx Dojo. The Sox powerful chi flows freely through even the most unused bats when battling the Yankees. This game was a roundhouse kick to the athletic supporter that (hopefully) will set the tone for the series.

Josh “Striking Crane” Beckett had first inning troubles again (Giambi HR) but settled down and was badass (6 hits, 3 runs, 7 K) through 7 innings. Keith “Sleeping Tiger” Foulke worked a scoreless 8th (he owes Wily Mo a beer for a run saving catch) and by the 9th the game was so out of hand that Rudy “Un-credited Stuntman” Seanez was called in to mop it up. The pitching really smashed the tough Yankee lineup.

The Sox offence was really the master of this tournament, though. Everyone who had an AB got on base at least once including Mohr, Snow and Harris. Out of the 12 guys that came to the plate, only Wily Mo, Tek and Youk failed to score. Mike “Double Dragon” Lowell, in an unending quest to stuff it down the gullet of everyone who said he was “done”, hit 2 more 2 baggers. And in some truly bizarre news, ensuring that the apocalypse is now upon us, the biggest offensive warrior was none other than "The Fielder” Alex Gonzalez. He was 2 for 4, had 3 runs, 3 RBI, 2 walks and his homerun in the 5th was absolutely CRUSHED. Who is this guy and what happened to the .100 hitter that was in line to be replaced by Alex Cora? Where did he go and can he stay there?

But the Red Sox also had help in this monumental slaughter. Johnson, Small and Sturtz looked really bad and the lineup pounced on em like David Wells at a Krispy Kreme. Also, the Yankees defense was about as bad as you can be without having an investigation to see if players got paid off to lose. RJ had 2 wild pitches, E-Rod made 2 costly errors at third and Melky Cabrera fought with the wind and lost a Manny pop up in the 4th. Thanks for the 6 unearned runs… I feel bad I didn’t get you anything. I guess you can have the big honking “L” because it looks like you’ve really earned it.

Well tomorrow it’s another game against Cobra Kai. Shilling tests his martial arts mastery against Mussina at 7. Let's keep the 2 touchdown scores a'comin.

GO SOX.

Pedro, He LOVE His Flowers

In the head of this man, a mind of twisted genius

Robin and I were discussing the piece in today’s NY Times about Pedro’s love of gardening. While it certainly gives the picture of a man who has found an almost Zen balance to his life, since we all know that Pedro is a Bad Ass Mother F***er on the mound, we couldn’t help but think of a few comparisons to movie villains to match up with the dichotomy that is Pedro. To wit:

• Stansfield, the crooked cop played by Gary Oldman in Léon (The Professional). Stansfield listened to Beethoven’s symphonies to clear his mind while he killed people, Pedro talks to flowers to clear his mind before he strikes people out. Somehow this correlation makes sense to me.
  
  
• Francisco Scaramanga, the assassin played by Christopher Lee in The Man with the Golden Gun. Scaramanga hunts Bond around his well-groomed private island, Pedro grooms his mini-botanical garden and then goes and hunts hitters with an inside fastball.
  
  
• Buffalo Bill, the moth-tending psychopath played by Ted Levine in The Silence of the Lambs. Pedro telling his flowers that they’re going to grow up so pretty is to Buffalo Bill cooing to his moths, except, you know, without Pedro skinning fat chicks or telling batters, “it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the bean ball again.” Because we all know that’s really a job for a closer.

To Boo or Cheer: A Handy Guide

Are they doing the right thing?

Lots of fans, bloggers and media members have been upset, confused or just plain WRONG when it comes which former Red Sox players you should boo or cheer when they finally return to Fenway. This guide will hopefully clarify the situation to those whimpering simpletons who don’t like “all the negativity” and would cheer Steinbrenner if they saw him. Also, maybe this will calm down the moron Neanderthals who would scream obscenities to Rich “El Guapo” Garces (in front of kids) just because he ate himself out of the league. Here’s the list:

Derek Lowe: Now on the Dodgers and got big cheers at the Ring Ceremony last year. You got to cheer this guy just for not being on the team anymore. Naw, I’m just kidding. I love the D-Lowe…I’m just happy I don’t have a sister he can hit on.

Dave Roberts: Now on the Padres, visited during the Ring Ceremony and got the biggest standing ovation of all time. Best steal ever = best reception ever.

Orlando Cabrera: Now on the Angels, first visited last year and got a huge hand. That’s what he should get whenever he plays the Sox. He’s a good guy that was part of the trade the won the World Series. Love the O-Cab.

Johnny Damon: Now on the Yankees, visited last week and got booed by about 80%. It should have been 100%. It’s not about the money or the media coverage; it’s about the new uniform. He’s a YANKEE. You boo him. That’s it, end of story. He signs with to Tampa Bay and comes to Fenway? CHEER! But when you deal with the devil, be prepared to feel the flames.

Kevin Millar: Now on the Orioles, visited this weekend and got cheers. He was fun in the clubhouse, a heavy drinker and the “Cowboy Up” guy. How could you not cheer him? It’s not your fault you kinda stunk last year Millar. You were even a good sport about it. Have a shot on us.

Mike Myers: Now on the Yankees, visited this and last year and got boos. Great name, but again… a Yankee. It’s a rivalry baby. Boo is what you do.

Bronson Arroyo: Now on the Reds. He might be a tough guy to see in Fenway because of the whole NL thing. Was a fan favorite (and we could really use him now), but got traded for a slugger when we thought the staff was overflowing. Cheer him people. He’s the cornrow rock star.

Edgar Renteria: Now on the Braves. We will see him NEXT year (Sox play in Atlanta this time around) so be ready to boo this hump. Yeah he was shy and yeah he got traded and yeah he is doing great NOW, but when he was in Boston pretending to be a shortstop he made everyone crazy. Never reached his potential, never hit well and crawled his way into 1000 rally ending double plays. Also, he couldn’t field to save his life and THEN took shots at the grounds crew on the way out of town. Bitter much? If he does get cheers, they better be because he was the last out for St. Louis in 2004.

Carl Everett: Now on the Mariners, visited Fenway a ton of times, and got a ton of boos. Ahhh Crazy Carl. Everyone knows where they stand with you. Here’s a T-Rex skull! Still don’t believe they exist? Really? Boo.

Nomar Garciaparra: Now on the Dodgers. Another NL problem. He may have dogged it a bit in 2004, he wasn’t happy about the trade and let us know it wasn’t his choice, but come on. It’s still Nomahhhhhhh. Cheers, beautiful.

Bill Mueller: Now on the Dodgers. Are you kidding? He’s the Pro. You cheer the Pro.

Grady Little: Now the skipper for the Dodgers. I cannot rationally talk about this guy. I start booing my computer and mooning the screen whenever I see a picture of him. It won’t be a pretty site when 36,000 fans do it live.

Byung-Hyun Kim: Now on the Rockies. I’m really, really wish he wasn’t in the NL because I would LOVE to boo the HELL out of this class act. Sorry BK Broiler, but the only thing people remember more than you crying on the mound in the Bronx, is you flipping off the crowd in Fenway. -insert Kimchi joke here-

Mark Bellhorn: Now on the Padres. Yeah he was on the Yankees for a while, but he stunk for them and is playing great in San Diego now. He is untainted, he is the DING-HONK, and he is a guy you cheer for.

Doug Mientkiewicz: Now on the Royals. This is a tough one. He was part of the trade that helped win the World Series, but also had the “ball scandal” idiocy. That was real bad just because it was so stupid and still got a ton of coverage. You know what? Cheer him. Being on the Royals is punishment enough.

Roger Clemens: Now retired? I fall into the Bill Simmons camp when it comes to Clemens. He’s the spawn of Satan. He should go back to the pit from whence he came. I would love the chance to scream at this guy again. Except if he came back to play for the Sox… then it’s going to be awkward when I scream at him again.

Pedro Martinez: Now on the Mets. This is the biggest conundrum Red Sox fans face this year because he is going to be in Fenway in the end of June. Pedro skipped town when he realized he wasn’t going to be the ACE of the staff anymore. He took a lot of shots at the front office and the team on the way out and burned some bridges with fans. He went to New York (but not the Yankees) and is loved there. You know what? Cheer him. He had the best years of his career on this team, always played hard and helped bring a championship to Boston (and he didn’t go to the Yankees). You cheer him now and it will feel so righteous come October when the Red Sox top the Mets in the World Series.

Game 31: P0wnag3

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 10, Baltimore Orioles 3


Remember, back in late 2001 and early 2002, when the Devil Rays really were completely hopeless when faced with what Boston then had to offer for pitching and hitting might? It might be better to apply the hopeless moniker to the Orioles now; with yesterday’s win, Boston made it eleven straight wins against Baltimore.

As wins go, it wasn’t a bad way to complete a sweep, either. Sure, DiNardo might have given up a run in the first by walking four straight batters with two outs, but he settled down nicely afterwards, giving up two runs on two hits over five innings and riding on the lead the offense established for him in the bottom of the first after Benson loaded the bases and handed Varitek a high fastball that the Captain kindly deposited into the bullpen. Baltimore managed to cut the lead down to two with another run in the third, but could manage no more; DiNardo’s cutter stayed down, struck out five and kept the potentially deadly Orioles offense in check. He’s still not quite in starter form yet, but I’m starting to feel ok putting some confidence in DiNardo as the number five pitcher, at least until the trade deadline. Certainly, pitching out of a bases-loaded jam in the first with a strikeout and then turning around the flow of the game to garner your first win speaks a lot about DiNardo’s potential.

Meanwhile, the Sox were doing their best to knock around Kris Benson and making the job look easy. After Benson loaded the bases again in the fifth, feeding Manny an outside fastball that allowed Ramirez to extend his arms and smash a single with a butter-smooth swing, he surrendered a two-run double to Trot. Having seen enough of the Varitek/Benson match up for one day, the Orioles opted to walk Varitek and pitch to Mike Lowell, who was hitless so far on the day. Except it’s Mike Lowell and he now leads the league in doubles. Can you guess what he did next? What everyone in Fenway, except perhaps Kris Benson and the Orioles coaches, knew that he was going to do? Did you guess two run double, double number seventeen on the year? Eight to nothing Boston and Benson done for the day. Booyah for the Man who hits Doubles.

Lowell attributes his success hitting doubles (most of which have come at Fenway) to the Monster, a landmark most hitters try to crush balls over. Instead, says Lowell, for him the intention is the exact opposite – he waits a little longer on the pitches because he knows the wall is so close and ends up smacking balls down the line with a little more concentration and a little less power. It’s almost as if Lowell is the recompense for years of right-handed Red Sox hitters who, without Manny’s ability or power, wasted their time trying to hit things over the Monster rather than focusing on the doubles zone a mere 310 feet away.

Day off today, down to New York tomorrow night for the start of a three game set against the Yankees; Beckett versus Johnson to lead off. GO SOX!!!

Game 30: Frampton (and the Offence) Comes Alive!

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 9, Baltimore Orioles 3

Do you feel like we do?

I love hitting. No, really… I LOVE IT. I am really fond of good pitching and I know that’s what wins games, but good hitting is what you WATCH the games for. If baseball was NASCAR, big hits would be crashes. If baseball was football, hits are touchdown dances. If baseball was golf, then hits would be inclement weather. Anyway, that’s why I have been a little uncomfortable with the 2006 “Pitching and Fielding Only” Red Sox. That’s not fun to watch! What is this, the National League?

So when the Sox get some amazing run support for Wake and beat some Orange Birds red, I get excited. The Wake himself was pretty good over 7 innings and his knuckle children were darting all over the place (wait… ewwww). You can really notice Belli’s influence on Wakes stuff, or maybe it’s just the fact that the crowd isn’t holding its breath after every pitch. I know it’s not really Bard’s fault, but I don’t think Wake had a chance to win 10 games with him crawling after every low pitch. Now I think he has a shot at 15.

Then there was the lumber. In the 2nd they kept the line moving and ended up with a 5 spot. Then Manny hooked his big bat up to a whammy bar and went WHAM to a Manon pitch in the 4th. It ended up about 20 feet OVER the monster. But it really was the bottom of the order that was on fire. Pena, Nixon, Belli and yes, Gonzo got a combined 7 hits and 5 RBI. A-Gon even got his average up to a whopping .207. Can you say batting title?

So in a blow out like this you don’t expect much drama… unless you are a member of the Red Sox bullpen. Then you pack drama in with your rosin bags. In the 8th Matos got plugged on the butt by Tavarez. Smiling and talking, Matos trotted slowly to first. Tavarez thought he said something about “mothers” or “track lighting” but couldn’t make it out so he walked over and said something like “whatchoo talkin bout Matos?” Then the benches cleared! No punches, not even much yelling, but with Tavarez you can never be too careful.

More drama came in the 9th when Francona decided that 6 runs were enough of a barrier for Rudy “Rudeboy” Seanez to pitch and not ruin everything. He was perfect, but that’s not the point. Every time this guy enters the game… my balls recede up into my body. He is that AWFUL. His presence on the field (even in a blowout) sucks the life and fun out of a game. He’s like the anti-Viagra.

Luckily, this time it ended up as a great game anyway. Tomorrow it’s the final with DiNards going against Mr. Anna Benson.

Woke up this morning with a wine glass in my hand
Whose wine, what wine, where the hell did I dine?
Must have been a dream I don’t believe where I’ve been
Come on - you wanna do it again?

Yes I do Mr. Frampton. Let’s get that sweep! GO SOX!

Game 29: Can’t Get No Satisfaction

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 6, Baltimore Orioles 3

Well I can. A big win over the Orange Birds is very satisfying. Hearing the crowd give Kevin Millar his proper due gives me a warm feeling inside. Seeing Mike Lowell hit 3 (yes 3) more doubles and become a kick ass slugging machine puts a smile on my face. Watching Paps get another save (that’s 12) and a scoreless 9th gets me in a chipper mood. Having Loretta nail down a crazy bunt got me to yell like a mad man. Then there’s Big Papi who comes up big in the clutch AGAIN and hits a 3 run double. That makes me downright giddy. So who couldn’t be satisfied after a game like this?

Well Schilling apparently. Now 5 and 1 with a 3.02 ERA and the winner of this one, Schilling was upset and disappointed with his performance. I thought he pitched pretty well and the only guys that hit him hard were Millar and Nick Markakis. But I guess it takes a little more to make Curt Schilling a happy camper.

So despite his gripes, a good night was had by all. Oh, and that cold breeze coming up from Hell? That was just Alex Gonzalez hitting an RBI double and then scoring on the Papi hit. Could that be the big break he needed to get his offence into major league form? I can say with complete confidence… no.

Tonight Wake vs Bedard.
GO SOX!

That Man...is a Menace

Just looking at that porn 'stache give me creeping horrors

Dale Sveum. The name evokes hideous flashbacks to the 2004 and 2005 seasons, of runners cut down at third and home before their time, of runs and games lost, hitting the mind with the intensity of full-blown PTSD. There were definitely times when watching that man direct runners made you want to drink heavily and I think all of RSN is a bit better off for not having to worry about Sveum this year. As we noted last October, Sveum left the Sox organization after the 2005 season to join the Milwaukee Brewers as their third base coach, which means Brewers fans now have the distinct pleasure of watching Sveum “work.”

The result is something like what happened last night, when Corey Koskie hit a double to the right field corner. Keep in mind the following: Moises Alou, the Giants right fielder, caught up to the ball pretty quickly. It was deep enough to get Koskie to second base, but this ball was not a ball Alou lost track of by any means. On the play Prince Fielder, who was on first base, hustled to third and got there by the time Alou snagged the ball. Now, Fielder is six feet tall and 260 pounds. Saying he’s not built for speed is like saying an SUV isn’t built for fuel economy. However, Sveum still decides it’s a good idea to send him home when Alou already has the ball in his glove! Amazingly, even though Fielder would have been out by a mile, he plows into catcher Todd Greene, lays him out flat and scores a run when Greene drops the ball. Sveum, perhaps in shock that his plan to cause another unnecessary out failed so spectacularly, sends Koskie home even though first baseman Lance Niekro is now covering home and Niekro tags Koskie out easily, ending the play. I mean, mad style points to Fielder for taking out a catcher, but I still don’t understand how Sveum lands these coaching jobs.

Game 28: Double Your Pleasure

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 7, Toronto Blue Jays 4


I believe that’s what the doctor ordered, especially after a loss like last night: early lead of five runs against Faulty Towers, Clement with a strong six innings, bullpen doing a good job closing things out, even with Seanez, who seems to have a clause in his contract where he needs to give up a home run every outing. Seriously, he’s up to one dinger every three times he’s come out of the bullpen. Suggests to me that maybe something’s wrong. We even had some later game excitement with my man Youk hitting a Monster Seat blast to end Towers’ night in the sixth. Good stuff, series split, go team.

Now, let’s talk about Mike Lowell a bit, shall we? Robin and I have come to the conclusion that when Mike Lowell wakes up in the morning, he puts his pants on just like the rest of us, one leg at a time, except once his pants are on, he goes out and hits doubles. When he walks into a bar, what does he order? A double shot. When given the choice between the hot tub occupied by one hot lady and the hot tub with the smokin’ hot twins, by God, he goes for the one with twins. Right now, he’s got so many doubles that he ties Michael Young for the MLB lead with thirteen, including the two he picked up tonight. At the rate he’s going, he’s going to have enough two-baggers for every article written before the start of the season questioning his ability to make a comeback and still have enough left over to make Theo look like that much more of a genius for picking up his contract in the Beckett deal. Heck, even in his best two years for doubles hitting (2002 and 2004) Lowell hit one every four games or so; right now, he’s hitting one exactly every two games. Here’s to conjoined twins!

And my, my, could it be that the founding member of the Rodrigo Lopez Club is in town tomorrow with his fellow Baltimoreans? Against Curt Schilling, you say? On Cinco de Mayo, a holiday Americans took from Lopez’s native Mexico and bastardized into a drinking holiday because we all love an excuse to get plastered? Fascinating. Oh, the correlations are tremendous. GO SOX!!!

Game 27: Looking a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 6, Toronto Blue Jays 7

“A present? For Me? Oh no… I couldn’t. Take it back.”

How do you lose that game? HOW? Every lucky break: squandered. Every freak play: erased. Every chance you have to make or break the game: all breaks. This cold and rainy game was back and forth all night and it would have been more fun to watch if the Sox didn’t “half take” or “spit on” every chance they had to come away with the win.

I had a whole write up for this one in my head. I was going to write a crazy essay about every guy who blew it today.

The poor pitching: Beckett (4 runs and WILD), Foulke (2 run HR), Papelbon (gave up his first run and got the loss), Seanez (didn’t pitch, but I still hate him).

The bad hitting: Youkilis (0 for 4), Ortiz (0 for 5), Loretta (0 for 5 and Slumpy McSlumperton the rally killer), Gonzo (0 for 2 but had a rare RBI), Mohr (2K in 2 ABs… he should pinch hit the road).

But the 9th inning really sucked all that out of me. After Papelbon gives up 3 hits and allows the go ahead run (I still can’t believe this happened… it’s like losing an arm), the Sox have 3 outs to score one run and have Ortiz, Manny and Mohr up. Ortiz strikes out swinging on ball 4 (ugly), Manny gets ROBBED by Hinske, and then Mohr predictably strikes out… but the ball gets away from Zaun and he gets on base! I was shocked Mohr (.156 BA) knew witch way to run. He is replaced by Harris (now used CORRECTLY by Francona 3 times in a row) and Tek steps up to the plate. After 2 wicked cuts, Harris takes off for second and the throw beats him… but the ball gets by the second baseman and Harris takes 3rd! Second life a second time! Now the tying run is only 90 feet away… but Tek looks at strike 3 right down the middle. Game over.

It was a gift and they blew it. Lowell, Manny and Wily Mo hit like CRAZY (9 for 12) but they couldn’t capitalize. Halladay showed weakness and they couldn’t finish him off.

I talked to Eric after this mess and in the midst of my bitching and moaning he said “Well, it was an entertaining game.” I don’t think that’s the word I would use. “Entertaining?” No, “painful” or “brain-damaging” seem to work better in my eyes. I HATE losing games like this. I would much rather lose blowouts or pitching duals. Losing close games when things seem to be going your way is the pits. Who likes these “woulda, coulda, shoulda” games? Especially against these damn Canadians. Damn northerners. Don’t you have hockey to watch? GO BACK TO CANADIA!

Next up: Josh "Faulty" Towers vs Matt "Quick Dry" Clement
Go Sox

No Game + Boredom =

This is Milli Vanilli.

They had that song “Blame it on the Rain” in the late 80's.

Then it turned out they didn’t really sing.

Then one of them killed himself.

I guess he was as upset as I am that the Sox/Yanks game was rained out.

Oh well… GO SOX.

Run Dougie Run

Lost in the scrum of the Red Sox beating the Yankees in EPIC form last night, was that fact that Jason Varitek ALMOST ended up catching knuckleballs. The long heralded return of Doug Mirabelli was almost not to be. His plane landed about 20 minutes before the game and he needed a police escort to make it to Fenway from Logan in time for the first pitch (that he would have to catch). In this mad rush, Belli had to change in the cop car, didn’t have time for any warm-ups and hardly even got a chance to say “Hello” to anyone in the clubhouse.

But he made it. Got a huge standing ‘O’ and didn’t allow a passed ball. Welcome back Belli, sorry about your crazy day.

Game 26: Anger Not Achilles

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 7, New York Yankees 3

“Rage—sing, goddess, the rage of David, the son of Ortiz,
The destructive rage that brought countless griefs upon the Yankees...”

Oh, what a night for baseball at Fenway; a night where catcher prodigal returned like glad tidings from a distant shore, bringing hope to a Nation. A night where blew the wind mighty and strong, dropping balls like flies from the air to the ground and to the waiting glove.

There did throw upon his paces Wakefield, the knuckleball dancing
Fluttering
Befuddling hitters
Who were held to but little offense: a cluster of three runs in the fourth.
Still not granted the palm of glorious victory Wakefield carefully spins his gems, waiting for the awakening of Red Sox bats. Like a groundswell of the tide they will come, like the tide that rises all boats they will come and Wake will have win number two.

Though the Red Sox could but muster the tying runs under Wakefield’s watch, still they toiled on as Wakefield gave way to Timlin
And Wang gave way to Small
And thoughts of extra innings taunted us: who would break the deadlock? Where would the mighty blow be struck?

Still blew the mighty wind like a wild thing, a demon, playing with the skyward balls like a cat toying with a mouse. For each side she plied her favors – for each, the temptation of homers
Dingers
Jacks
Snatching away the power of flight before the fateful moment. Six or seven balls were thus fairly struck but lit not beyond the outfield wall. And let us forget not the defensive gems, the line drives that could turn the game for either side, snatched from flight by quick footed and quicker minded infielders: a web gem game in the making.

‘Til at last
At last
Mistakes began: Cora walks, Youkilis, hit by painful pitch on frosty night and Torre begins to strategize. He calls upon the Pride of Worcester to deliver
to end the threat of first and second by merely facing Loretta.
This Sturtze cannot do; his futile flailings end when Mark sends a ball up the middle taking the lead. Forget not Loretta in the clutch his days of timely hitting end not here, I think.
Now from the bullpen comes the man with the Name of a Killer, brought to New York to confound and remove the threat of the Ortizzle: the Yankee Killer who bestrides the plate like Achilles and Myers is his Hector.

Three balls, a strike, a foul ball: the count is full now upon Ortiz and this is his shining hour. A ground ball will end the threat; but comes now the pitch and with a mighty blow is struck the ball by David like a Goliath.
And lo, like the heroes of old, even the wind bows before Big Papi: submitting herself meekly like a lamb, her teeth hidden and her paws cast away as the ball flies into the night, into the bullpen, into the waiting glove of the Papal One. Thus wins again Ortiz, who broke his foe like Achilles of ancient time, completing p0wnag3 in the wine-dark night.

It's Twoo! It's Twoo!

Huzzah! Wakefield finally has a catcher who can understand his problems!

I wonder if any backup catcher has ever received so much adoration as Doug Mirabelli. Seriously. I’m not sure if it’s because The People love Wakefield so much, or because there seems to be only one man known to the collective RSN consciousness that can catch the knuckleball, or what, but we loves us some ‘Belli in Boston. Even though you’d have to be missing a few screws to think that the Mirabelli/Loretta trade didn’t make sense – since when is a backup catcher for a gold-glove second baseman with a lifetime .300 average straight up not a good idea – there was still the thought in the backs of the minds of many: ‘who’s gonna catch Wake?’

Well, what if the Sox decided the Josh Bard experiment was over, even though Bard has roughly the same record with pass balls as Mirabelli three years ago – maybe because they thought Bard wasn’t going to ever pick up the tricks, maybe because they really can’t afford to wait for Bard to learn, maybe because you can’t have your first game against the Yankees with a catcher who can’t catch your starter – and decided to get him back from San Diego. The Padres, being in roughly the same bargaining position with the Red Sox as the Indians were over the winter, would certainly do their best to bend Boston over a table and get back some of the trading price of losing Loretta, but I don’t think anyone would say it wasn’t worth it.

Flash forward to earlier today: Buster Olney calls up WEEI and leaks the rumor of an impending trade that would bring back Mirabelli back to Boston. At first, courtesy of my buddy Alan and a phone call, I heard the terms were Seanez for Mirabelli, a deal which would have made me cry tears of joy – and given Seanez’s success in San Diego last year, would make just as much sense for the Padres as it would for the Red Sox. Not to be, unfortunately; the price is a bit steeper: Bard, Cla Meredith, a player to be named later and cash. Given Mirabelli’s importance – he’s the functional equivalent of bringing in Orlando Cabrera two years ago to shore up the defense and turn Derek Lowe into a winning pitcher again – it makes sense, but ouch, that’s a lot of stuff for a guy who plays once every five days. The guys on WEEI tried to put a positive spin on it by saying that ‘Belli might be filling in for Varitek a bit in the near future as the Cap’n continues to recover from his “butt problem” (their words, not mine), but you have to hope a tiny little bit that Meredith never recovers from his stay Boston-side last year to become a big-name starter. I think I’ll just swallow the pill and be glad Doug is back, especially if he really is going to be in the lineup tonight.

Game 25: The Big Tease

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 4, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 5

Not gonna give up the goods. Just a dirty flirt.

I can barely write rationally about this one. I just want to kick and scream and yell… and cry. They got me this time. They really got me. After Seanez came in (why would Francona use this worthless pile of organs?) and gave up a 2 run shot negating the good job Schilling did keeping it close, I thought I was removed enough. I thought I could step back and write a good old generic paragraph on the absent clutch hitting, a short essay on Schillings good but flawed performance and a symposium the various acids I would like to dunk Scott Kazmir in. NOPE!! The Red Sox have to make it interesting so I can have the glimmer of hope grow in my naive little mind.

“Lowell and Pena go back to back in the 9th? We can win this!”

Sure we can. Willie Harris steals second, the ball skips into the outfield and he’s at third. Tying run 90 feet away, one out, we got it. It’s so money. Go get ‘em… J.T. Snow? Well he didn’t get an out, but he DID get hit on the foot (if he MOVES a run scores) and takes first base. Then Youk looks at 3 pitches. All strikes.

LOOK. THREE. STRIKES.

Then my brain melted. I seem to remember Loretta feebly grounding out to end the game, but it’s all a haze of cursing and splinters of broken furniture so I can’t be sure.

It was all just a tease. The Sox got me back into the game just to break my heart (and chair). Now they take the long flight home and we are stuck thinking about what could have been. I want to yell some more but I am out of breath. And it doesn’t even get any easier now because the Great Pinstriped Menace has been spotted in the Boston area. Nothing caps off a losing road trip like the return of Johnny Damon. Oh, I’m not booing you John… I’m booing your love of money. Nice haircut…

GO SOX

Game 24: Come Back to Where You Once Belong

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 9, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 6

We are back baby

It was the 9th inning, behind 5 to 6 and looking at a 4 game losing streak. How did we get here again? DiNards was the starter and gave up 4 runs early. The bullpen faltered with both Tavares and Foulke giving up a run and it looked like another loss due to anemic batting. Back to the 9th inning. That is the first and only time when the Red Sox had the lead. In the 6th inning Dr. Frankenstein held his electrodes to the offence collective chest and screamed “IT’S ALIVE!” and suddenly 4 runs scored. Manny hit a solo shot (and the weirdest triple ever), Youk kept his fugly ass on base and Pena hit some RBI’s (yes the Wily Mo hate-wagon is leaving town). Now in the 9th the lead is taken on some bases loaded walks, hits and sac fly’s. Clearing base runners? That’s like the OLD Red Sox! The ones we knew from last year and the year before. Surely they won’t be doing that again, will they?

Well they better. The starting pitching (especially out of the 4th and 5th spots) isn’t as WORLD CLASS as we were all lead to believe, so some extra runs now and again are going to be essential. The 6th inning of this game really did look like a turning point. The offence finally said “hell, lets hit when it matters” for the first time in the road trip. This nearly washed away some of the vomit stained dreams left from the last 3 late inning colonoscopies. I almost forgot how fun it is to watch timely hitting.

After all the runs were scored, it was left in the capable hands of his holiness: Papelbon. Three batters, three strikeouts and one league leading (and rookie record breaking) save later and that’s all she wrote for the Rays. This Papelbon guy is huge. If he beats the Yankees next week (like he did on XBOX) he might get the whole “one name” treatment. Then you can have great conversations like this:

“I remember when he was called ‘Jonathon’ Papelbon.”

“Really? I thought his name was Sam.”

“Nope. He was born ‘Jonathon’. Like Jon Stewart or Lil’ Jon.”

“Whoa that’s awesome.”

“I know. It IS awesome.”

Anyway, it’s Schilling vs Kazmir (ugh) in the rubber match before the Sox head home and take on the Yankees. Let’s end the road trip on a good note. GO SOX!

Keep Your Sox On In Brooklyn Sells Out!

When you wake up in the morning, do you feel a certain unfulfilled longing in your chest, a feeling that all is not quite in the world, but you’re not quite sure what to do about it? Well, so do we, but we think we have the answer: Keep Your Sox On In Brooklyn apparel, now available in our store and from the link in right navigation bar. As an added bonus, dear reader, we present our first design to you below. Representing all of our love for Boston’s newest pitching star, we hope it’s the first in a long string of inspirational designs:

Hilarious, aren’t we? You definitely want one now.

And remember: by supporting your favorite Red Sox blog with one of our stylish shirts, not only will you be the coolest kid on your block, but all of the previous coolest kids on the block will come to you and apologize for even presuming to try and take what is clearly your territory. Yup, these shirts are that nice.

Game 23: Dude, Where's my Team?

Final Score:

Boston Red Sox 2, Tampa Bay Devil Rays 5

Did you know you could strand 14 baserunners inside that thing? It surprised me, too.

I’m not kidding, either. For the first two thirds of the eighth, the Red Sox we know and love were there, knocking in runs, not being stymied by Casey Frickin’ Fossum and the Rays bullpen, not stranding fourteen men on base (14! Do you know how many runs that is?) or, even worse, not leaving nine of those men on base in scoring position (9! That’s not as many as fourteen, but dear God those were closer to being runs!). Heck, Francona was even doing wacky things like putting in J.T. Snow to pinch hit for Gonzalez so he could hit an RBI single and then have Alex Cora pinch run so that the rally might continue and someone could play shortstop in the ninth. It was great, it was awesome…it lasted for about five minutes.

I doubt I have to remind you, but this is the pitching staff of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays we’re talking about here, a group of pitchers who inspire so much confidence in manager Joe Maddon that his pitching coach has to console him every time he makes a move to the bullpen. I doubt I have to remind you, but we’re facing the Yankees in three games and we still have to get through Scott Kazmir. I doubt I have to remind you, but even with Clement’s lack of control for much of his start, even with two terrible calls by the umpires, the Boston Red Sox had the opportunity to win this game with their bats four or five times tonight…and they didn’t.

Lenny DiNardo versus Doug Waechter tomorrow evening at 7:15. I believe at this point everyone’s had their opportunity to bottom out during this most recent, terrible run through the rotation; it’s time for the boys in red and grey to step things up, start scoring runners, making outs, winning ballgames and ending this slump. GO SOX!!!